All I want for christmas is...

I have a whole list of things I could say I wanted, but nothing do i want more then a full nights rest, without a crying child waking me up or having to get up to go to the bathroom, or a nightmare that wakes me either. I want SLEEP! 9 uninterupted hours of it! Do you think santa could do that for me? Is that asking way too much? I know it is. I know this because that is what I have wanted for the past three years and it has not happend. But I really really really want it!

copy from mary,

but I love these things too!

Where is your phone? Cell is dead and house is silent.
Your hair color? blond, gold, red.
Your mother? working like crazy, she can get everything done!
Your father? Working too!
Your favorite thing? my new skinny, cute bum jeans.
Your dream last night? i know I had one, but can't remember it.
Your dream/goal? to become a person who gets it all done and makes up new exciting games for my kids all teh time.
Your hobby? um not sure. i don't really like anything enough to call it that. well maybe talking to my family.
Room you're in? dining room.
Your fear? lots of really messed up ones.
Where do you want to be in six years? a little older, a little wiser, a little larger family but done having babies, a little larger house.
Where were you last night? albertsons
One of your wish list items? tickets to bodyworlds.
What you're not? organised and ready for grocery shopping, cooking dinner tonight.
!The last thing you did? picked up my front room.
.Your TV? is off, thankfully.
Your pets? no thank you.
Your computer? is slow.
.Your mood? I want to be super productive, but its not happening.
Missing someone? family not here and my entire mission.
Your car? in the drive way about to take us to go get devin from work.
Something you're not wearing? shoes and socks yet.
Your summer? was spent at raging waters mostly. Good times!
Love someone? I love lots of someones. I think that is a gift I have of loving people. I love people.
Your favorite color? pink
When was the last time you laughed? this morning droping devin off.
Last time you cried? tuesday.

The last two days...are over and amazingly it ended not so bad!

L-my first try at bread! R-Lily riding the pony!

L-Lily with a witch. R-kelle loved the chickens

below-lily made this witch wave at everyone!

R-my favorit one. i took one look and thought of you mom.

Below, Dana, Jaxon, Lily,Aviril,and me. squinting into the sun! aren't we cute?
R-Lily and Jax did not want to kiss her. but Lily wanted to hug her.

first I have been wanting to bake...well mostly bread for a while now, but really anything my family will injoy! so i have been trying to find a day where that would be possible. yesterday I thought it was the perfect day. but then the eh hem hit the fan or actually the water hit the floor and kept going and going and going (I flooded our kitchen, laundry room and creepy underthe stairs closet). mean while mikelle was screaming because she wanted to eat, I was trying to cook dinner and lily had decided to go sit on the toilet and sit and sit and sit...till I needed her to stay so i could mop up the house. and at that point she decided she needed me to wipe her bum even though she had not DONE anything. see she see's through the whole "go potty and I'll give you candy"thingy. and she figured out how to use it to her advantage to get candy. so when ever she wnats some she just goes and sits on the potty....for ever! does not "go" and then gets down asks for candy and promptly pees her pants. What a smart girl huh? YOu gotta give her credit for figuring that one out. any way back to the flood. so I also broke the dish washer some how. I guess since it was on while the water spilled over it and the water leaked inside the electrical part, it shorted or something. only made me more mad and frustrated about the whole thing. Well devin was able to fix it after only a few hours of it being broken. I know isn't he the greatest?! I think so. Love you babe! then as we were going to bed I went down stairs to get something out of the dryer and discovered that the laundry room was flooded too. Came upstairs to deal with lily and tell dev. he goes down and comes back up to tell me it was also in said creepy closet. grrrr! I can't believe I did that. DUH! ah well we are doing what we can to clean it up, and I am worrying that we will get black mold because I saw this family in utah who's house was ruined and their kids all have really bad problems because of it, that live in utah. they had to bulldose the house. But thats me. I am way paraniod about that. It drives Devin nuts. we got fans going down their and windows open so lets hope it all drys up. then today we (me and my girls went to gardner village with grandma hall, aunt dana and Jaxon. And Lily had such a good time. It was sooo fun! and the fudge we tasted was devine! Well mikelle is waking up and I need to put her back to sleep. long story short.. I made bread at the end of the day and IT is so preety and yummy and it was my first time. now I am tired from these long two days. but happy that I made my bread and it was perfect! Happy that we got to go have a good time and Happy that Devin fixed the dishwasher for me. all in all not bad. and at least I can relax and eat something yummy and go to bed. Now on to the next task of sleeping through the night....yeah right. you can't have everything.

things I love that others don't

cold
rain
olives
pickles
peppers
greenbeans
hot food
country
ramen
oldies
snow
wind

i guess i am weird like everyone else.
i breast feed my kids on demand....in public!
i co-sleep! (half the night)
i care about politics.
I AM NOT republican or democrat if you ask me they both suck.
if i were not so lazy i would make my own baby food and use cloth diapers.
i would wrather not have to wear clothes...except for undergarments.
i like to see what other peoples houses and yards look like.
as i fall asleep i count things like hours of sleep i would get if i fell asleep right then, but i count them out on my fingers, by lightly pressing each finger on either my pillow or devins belly, witch ever one my hand is resting on.

wherein lily is sick and I am tired.

bgbnbbbbbkkkkkk8///,,lilymommyv,vb,.bvlkfviods=. that was lily "playing puter".

We are sick...yuck!

So the little to no sleep that we get normally is pretty much gone. Sore throte head ache runny nose and I am pretty sure we have all had a low grade fever at one point or another. I guess everyone is getting it. reminds me I need to get a flu shot. any ways. even though Dev stayed home sick today, mostly because he had a sore throte and would not be able to talk on the ohone all day, we had such a productive day. Really even for a healthy day. we did a few things that have been put off for WAY too long. first we shortend our blinds...been needing to do that for um..two and a half years. yes I know we are the worst procrastinators ever. we also cut the piece of the dishwasher that goes at the bottom so that you can't see the wires and babies can't get electricuted, and installed it. been needing to do that for um... about 9 monthes. and we hung our beautiful dry erase bord in the kitchen that we bought at ikea like in november, so 10 monthes ago. so yay for us! I was going to wash the windows in side and out but we took lily to the park instead because she was really acting cuped up. and there were NO other kids there so it was really nice. no fighting and no more contamination then there would need to be. haraaay for productive days!

scary,creepy = paranoid!

So I don't like dogs. you all should know that. they are fine from a distance but only if they don't bark or make lots of sudden movement..even if its playful. Once I get to know a dog..takes a long time, then its not so bad. but in general we are not friends. well there is an enfestation in my naiborhood of bit bulls. I know one of my sisters has one that they all say would never hurt anyone. but that does not make me trust them. Once when they were visiting, something upset this dog and devin was right in the middle of it all, and I did not feel he was safe.(this is not soposed to be about your dog katey, and I mean no harm to you b this post.) especially the toughest kinds. a pit bulls bite is one of the strongest. a guy in our naiborhood had to kill one last year to get it to release its bite. it bit its owner. any who, recently I have seen not one, or two or three or even four pit bulls running free or chasing someone on my street...but FIVE different ones. in about a month. THESE dogs are NOT nice. They all belong to a bunch of thugs, who in my oppinion want a mean tough dog to make up for the lack of something. they trian them to be as mean as possible. well I daught that they train them, Its proboboly more like beat them and fight them with other dogs. reguardless its illigal for them not to be on a leash. only one of those times have I seen an owner trying to catch it. I call animal control, and by the time they get here the dog has wandered off some place else. so they don't catch it. rrrg! it makes me so mad. Try explaining to a two year old that the doggy chasing a boy on a scooter down the middle of the street is not nice and will you please walk calmly and quickly to the back yard. then when the dog stops chasing said boy and turns to come back up the street towards our house, she porceedes to scream at the top of her lungs, because I have starting dragging her because she would not go inside, because she wanted to see the doggy, attracting its attention. Oh and the one where the owner was looking for it. he would not even get close to his own dog because it snipped at him. all of this only solidifys my fears.
then two weeks ago a friend who had just moved into a new place felt something crawling on him...he looks down and its a black widow! yup! if there is anything that creeps me out more then dogs its spiders! so a was sitting on the lawn at my inlaws last night and someone says "its a black widow." it was dusk and so they got the flash light, and sure enough right where the house meets the driveway, there was this huge spider web and in it....a black widow. creepy! the only qustion i have is this...is the hour glass shape always on the underside of the belly or is it sometims on the top? I am pretty sure this was on the top. still....i am paranoid and freaked out.

Lily's first Sleep over...

well technicaly its the second but the first was not for fun so it does not count. It was when i had kelle and it was at grandmas any way (witch is like her other home.) she is sleeping over at her fav uncle's house with his family. She was SO excited! she's been talkign about it all day. Dev talked to her at 9 on the phone, and she was sad.she said she wanted to come home. I have been feeling... aggitated.. I think. I can't really put my finger on it. I thought I would be so greatful for the break, but I just miss my baby! If she does not go to slep soon or if she gets really sad. we will go get her or he will bring her home. But what about me? What do I do about my separation anxiety? I think even if she were having a blast I would miss her. I tryed to keep myself busy. but now I am just tired and I want to go to sleep, but have to clear my head first or I will just lay there exuasted and not sleeping. Wish us luck with the rest of the night!

some more vacation photos!

mom and lil messin around....
dad and lil 4 wheelin.....
the house we stayed in. its 102 years old! and 6 lds prephets have stayed there....
Mom and lil swimin at lava
Some randon person jumping off he high dive where Lilys cusin where jumping.

Our vacation

Lily Looking Cute! She actually let me DO her hair!

They love each other!

so we have been on vacation. It has been really nice. I think I actually had my perfect vacation on day! well except for the sleep part. but the rest of they day was perfect. I have some pics for you. I know I hardly ever put any on here. rebuke me if you want to. : )

Perfect day!

Well in some ways. One in particular. Today the weatehr was fantastic! The high was 81. Even in the sun I was not scorthed. And in the shade, Oh it was nice. perfect actually. I wanted to stay out side all day. and did a good portion of it. There was even a breeze. I wish the weather was like that all summer long. no cooler then 70's midday and not hotter then 80's. tomorrow is soposed to be the same. I am so excited!

what I am thinking about today....

I can't believe I just went to costco with my two kids alone. carried kelle in my arms while shopping and trying to keep lil in the cart. You should have seen the looks of pitty. and then got lunch and managed to eat it. That requires at least 4 extremely attentive hands. and I (becaue I was holding kelle) only had one very busy distracted hand. Kelle is teething and so she did not injoy it. but I did ad so did lily. ok a big part of the reason I injoyed it was because of the reactions we got, and it boosted my pride to do it by my self.
Also, I love my neighbors. they are the kindest people. even though some of them there is a big launguage barrier, I really injoy being with them. the wemon on either side of me and then the one two doors down, have served me and loved me and wanted to befriend me from the day I moved in.
and I am going to say it becuase so many other people are thinking it. Chinas gymnists are not 16. say what every you like. But I just don't beieve it.
Russia, Georgia and President Bush all need to calm down and stay out of war, preferably for ever, but at least till the olympics are over. there is my political rant. I should go do zumba (work out), or do laundry......alright over and out.
wht are you thinking about today??????

Twilight...

If you think you're invincible. don't.

my BIL had 3 strokes last week, they were not the kind from high blood pressure. but were the kind from blood clots in the artery to the brain that broke off and went three different directions.He is 34 years young. Please Pray For Him!!!
we (most of us) think we are "young, so it wont happen to me, or we are healthy, or i am righteous so i will be spared those trials." please please please, lets all take extra care of these fine bodies we have been given. yes i mean be healthy. but i also mean...listen to your body. pay attention to how you feel, and if you don't feel well and especially if you feel pain, your body is telling you that something is not right. If you take care and maintain good health, when the unexpected does happen you will be better prepared for a swift recovery.
because eventually the unexpected will happen.

For fun.

I like posting random things. Like I have recently. I don't knwo why. I think because its light hearted, or something like that. but this is the stuff that fills my head latly so this is what you get.
first. a few things that might surprize you about me.
I don't hate potatoes any more.
I swear in my head everytime I stub my toe (not proud of this)
I usually like cleaning other peopls houses. their dirt is not as dirty as mine.
I am scared of the water, the dark, and the unknown.
my dream vacation starts with going to sleep at like 9 or ten and waking up at like 6.
that leads me to the wrest of what I wanted to post.I have been thinking about my dream vacation at night as I am falling asleep. And here is it.

We go stay some place, preferably someone elses home, that is emaculatly clean and they will clean it, for me, oh and it is extremly organized too. my kids go to sleep at 9pm or maybe even 8pm. that last sentance is a major aspect of our vacation, if not the high light. Dev and I get some time to stay up together without the kids and either play video games together (we never get to do this becaue lily gets jelouse and takes over), or watch a movie and have some romantic time. but go to sleep by like 10pm. thats another hightlight. then my kids sleep through the night. I wake up at like 5 or 6 feeling completly rested. again that never happens. I have always wished I could be a morning person because they are so productive. but I have never woken up before 7:30 and felt good, let alone been in a remotly good mood. any way back to my vacation. I get in the shower, get to put on clean clothes that match, style my hair, put on make up and make breakfast, all before my kids wake up. once they wake up we eat, and get them dressed, brush their teeth and comb hair before 8am. then once all that has happend....I don't care what we do the rest of the day. they can plan that part.
*ok so there is a reason its a deam vacation......IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. its impossible. mostly because I am expecting rationale resonable things from a very independant and wild two year old and a baby. And by the time they are old enough to do the things I expect of them for this vacation to work...they will not want to be there or they will but they will want to do something else or this one will be missing her boy friend and the other one will be mad cause that one took her spot, and so on. Or else I wont sleep becaue they will have snuck out to meet some boys and I will have no idea where they are. I say that because thats what I did every time we went on vacation when i was a kid. oh well. gues I will have to move on to planning somehting else like my dream house or something.

random poems I wrote 5 years ago.

March 2003 (I just found this on an old pay stub of mine dated 03-28-2003, I use to write a lot of poetry, I would have to write it down as soon as it came to me or it would be lost. then I would put that papaer some place to be filed later and lose it. thats all the explanation there is for this. I have no idea what its about spacificly.)

Pain behind the eyes, a smile I fake.
Hiding behind a mask I make.
Holding back from letting go.
Hidding Pain and you don't know.

April 2003

Silent prayer like falling snow
settles in a waiting heart.

All is still , "Conform thy will, to God the Father and His Son."

This one was on a letter to a dear friend on his mission, whom I have since lost contact and connection with. I was trying to go on my mission and really working hard to be in tune with the spirit of God, and have faith that the things that were happening were for a purpose. that was a time in my life that it seemed like everytime I took one step forward, it was two steps back.

Things I love and or make me happy!

1. when lily randomly kisses me and says..I got you!
2. How mikelle sings her self to sleep by repeating the same note over and over again.
3. when Devin teases me.
4. the kindness of a perfect stranger the other day at the bread store.
5. The People who answered my prayer. (you know who you are.)
6. strangers who seem not the type but who quickly humble me with thier kindness and humility.I know thats almost the same as 4. but its not. It seems to happen to me a lot. I will be some place and the tired, old, often dirty and homeless person will help me lift, bend, or find things, and not accept anything in return. I love those people!
7. summer nights after the sun has set but its still light out side and its cool enough that I actaully injoy being outside.
8. cold seedless watermelon.
9. real mail. not adds but a real letter.
10. going to the temple.

wednesday.....

This is part of a conversation with Devin on messanger, but after reading it I felt like it was very discriptive of how I feel today. and I don't have much else to talk about.
"just so you know, because if i have to deal with it you have to listen. or something like that. i am so tired, i feel like i just had a baby, my head hurts, i am fighting off the urge to be totally pist off because of it, at everyone. did i mention my head hurts? lily must feel the same as me because she is tearing the house apart, and throwing a fit, pretty much non stop. also i am covered in throw up and all its puky glory. mikelle has puked A TON today for some reason, and she is so fussy. well she actually just fell asleep. but wont let me put her down. so i have not even cleaned the last throw up mess off of me because she fell asleep and I don't want to wake her up. Yup, thats right I am letting it dry on my arm. and The house looks like a tornato hit,BUT...................even after all that. I am so thankful to have our girls and be their mom."

All things Hall

well, we have been keepin busy. Lil just turned 2! she seems so big to us, but everyone else thinks she is small. Well size wise she is. but she is so big in many other areas! She is nicer to her sister now. witch is good. she loves for kelle to sit on her tummy and play.
Kelle is rolling and almost sitting, she needs just a little assistance. She is 5 months. She loves to laugh at lily. Only her sister can make her laugh so hard. It is adorable.
Devin is plugging away at work. then comes home and plays with the girls. they sure love thier daddy.
we just had a small birthday party for lily. played in the pool and sugared the kids up. It was fun. I had fun too! I was worried that I would not be able to have fun with lily on at her party but we had a good time. I have not been doing much other then mommy jobs. I have found that lily does SO much better if I forget the house work and church work, yard work, laundry etc...and focus strictly on giving her and mikelle my attention. she is so much better behaved. If I try to get her playing by herself and then try to get that stuff done, she is mean to the baby, and in general acts out way more. so I have been spending all my time playing with blocks, reading books, and playing dress up, having tummy time and dancing with my girls. I LOVE TO DANCE WITH LILY! we turn on the radio and we get movin. It's great fun! I would post picutres or video but if she see's the camera she stops and wants to hold it,and I don't think you all want to see me dancing, or more importantly I don't want you all to see me dancing. Its all baby moves, stompin feet, clapping hands, twisting my waist and then shaking my booty. you would have a good laugh. but sorry not gonna happen. during this last general confrence elder ballard said something that has really stayed at the forefront of my mind..." I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life." he later went on to quote another auther who wrote about that very thing...she said "I wish i had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing...i wish i had treasured the doing i little more and the getting it done a little less."( anna quindlen) so that is what i have been trying to do.

on and on and on...by me.

I think I don't really believe that people other then a few direct family members read my blog. So I write like I am talking to those few people. then I read it knowing that anyone can read it and its just all sort of strange. Any way. If you don't know me and you still find this interesting to read. you are weird. I just go on and on about the things in my head and I would think that someone who did not know me would realy be bored.
Any who, both of my kids are taking long naps and I was thinking I would go get some stuff done like fold the laundry or somehting else that I can't do when they are awake. but this feels better. Lets see..Kelle is getting so big! she smiles and laughs and can sit up from a laying down position just by using her abdominal muscles if you hold her legs down. I can't believe we will celebrate lil's 2nd birthday! she is growing up so fast! At the same time I some times forget that she is only two. I expect so much out of her or at least something other then two year old behavior. ITs not fair to her and I have to remind myself all the time. but she acts so big. she has started to use sentences and describe emotions. She'll tell me..."mommy I'm sad". its so cute! and such a big girl thing. Devin is back to his regular shift for a while. I think I like this better. I love having him here during the day, but I like him home at night better. he gets more sleep=is much happier=everyone is happier.
I have been so worried latly about the future of our economy and our government,what it means for my family. I woke up the other morning feling anxious and I actually had the thought.."I wonder where we will all be this time next year." with gas prices going up 5 cents every 3 to 5 days and food prices skyrocketing, I can't help but worry. I fear there will be a truckers strike because they can't afford the fuel and we will all be in bad shape. I worry so much about that stuff that it becomes real to me almost as if its already happend.
Am I the only one who worries about it that much? Or does everyone feel like me?

ahh the many things that clutter my mind.

I have been absent from my blogging for a long time. I think like what a month? well the whole sergury thing got me down and then you have recovery and then you have a two year old and a baby and a house and a husbend who's been doing the jobs of both of us for about 8 weeks, and church and then you find in there some how, time to bless the baby and feed 70 people, and then your just plain old tired. and at that point blogging wuld be really nice to do because it would mean I had a minute to my self, but when that minute comes so does exaustion and then hopefuly some sleep. but I have healed mostly now, the blessing when really well, and was so beautiful I really felt the spirit that day and had been needing to so badly. Mikelle was just beautiful in her dress that mandie made for her. and dispite how much she disagrees, she is SO talented! well mikelle is waking up from her nap, and right on que lily started crying and is now waking up. and devin is not waking up so I have to end this. I had really hoped to get some stuff that had been on my mind out. but oh well. for now this will be it.

Its been a while... I have some thoughts to share.

I have not been posting or really checking e mails or anything for a while. Lack of sleep is to blame. But that is not what I want to post about because today I am trying to be possitive and active, I think if I am I will get more done, and I will feel better. I was talking with a friend and she was saying she feels like she does not belong. All her friends are married and have about two kids, she is in a relationship going on five years, that most likely wont progress to marriage. And she wants to get married and have kids, and do the things others her age are doing. I was tinking about the whole age thing. It seems strange to me that people my age are so worried about getting married and having kids soon because they feel like they are getting old. I'll only be 27 this year. but what I realized was no matter if it haapens at 25 or 35, once you get married there will still be challanges to over come and things you want. like children, and once you have children there will still be cfhallanges and things to over come, like getting a house. and once you do that another or maybe its other things for other people, like a job or an education or those same things but for your children. there will always be progress to be made and things to work towards. there is no end all. we have to continue to work (on achieving goals) all the days of our lives. I know its esey for me to say because I got an education, went on a mission, I got married, I have a house and I have two children(and when I say that it sounds like I have been so busy, and I have done a lot.) But that does not mean there are not other things that I want to do. I want to eventually work again, do massage part time. I want to go back to school. I want my husbend to get an education, I want to learn spanish, serve another mission, and do so many more things. So its not like I have everything, and now there is nothing more for me to do. I think a lot of my friends my age who are single think that. But its not true, we are just working on different things.

Lily plants one on Dad!

you have to click on the image o view the whole thing.

They are growing so fast!

Mikelle is two weeks and lily is 21 months!

thought thise was cute.....

"You never know what a girl is worth,
You’ll have to wait and see;
But every woman in a noble place,
A girl once used to be."
President Monson paraphrased it in his talk to the Sisters in october 2007. not sure of its origional auther or if there is more.

Sleep deprivation...

Amy hit it dead on when she described it as being "so tired it hurts!". I see why the military would use sleep deprivation to break a person down. You can get so tired that you can not hold back any longer. I got 6 hours of sleep in a row last night! And trust me. I needed it so bad! Then my loving husbend, took the morning off to stay home and let me sleep in till 10. so I actually in total got 8 1/2 hours. It was soo nice. I still need about another three nights of that much or more, but this was SO needed. Thank you thank you thank you, Devin!

Ready for spring!

Yesterday Lily and I went out side to play for the first time in weeks! It was so nice. the sun was shinning in full force and the snow was melting. It was so fun! we ran up and down the side walk, and she played with her car. It made me long for spring SO bad! Oh I had so much fun actually being able to catch up to her and move freely. She loved being out side too! She saw a cat and was so happy chasing it down the side walk. Unfortunatly for me and fortunatly for everyone else, spring is a long way away. we have three storms alone coming this week that will bring valley snow. and then probobly another 2 - 3 months of freezing temps/snow every few days befor it really turns to spring and does not go back. But I was so glad for yesterdays sun shine. I have a hard time with this time of year. about the end of december to the end of march or beginning of april (because you never know when winter will finaly be gone in Utah. It has snowed in May. And I seem to recal it snowed in June once when i was in high school. But it can be summer temps in march and april too. so you never know. Any who. I can't wait for it when ever it happens to be spring again!

A good Lily day so far!

Lily has been so good today...so far. SHe helped me switch the laundry, she's played with me and by her self, ate her breakfast, been relativly nice to mikelle. And then she wanted to pose for the camera. SHe noticed I had a hood too so I had to put it on like her and take a picture like that. then she turned my face to hers and started rubbing noses with me. It was so cute so I made her do it again and i took a picture of that too! She is SO adorable. I love my Jane!

Here are some recent pictures.

I am so swolen in these. wow! thats all I can say!

variuose thoughts feelings and hormones from my head...

It is good to not be pregnant any more. i can eat drink, snuggle up to devin and even reach the sink! go me! I admit i don't remember getting this little sleep at night with lily. granted that does not mean it did not happen.
i am holding mikelle right now, she is so precious!i love my family! I have to admit, well i don't have to, but i will because it stood out to me as something i did not expect. and that is, with all the joy (no pun intended) with mikelles birth and the many other emotions that accompny it. one is almost grief. like loss. that loss is the way it was with just us and lily jane. Not that I wish in any way not to have both my girls, and more in a few years. but the way it was and the fact that the relationship we had as a family now does not exist. it includes another person. its like when your little and your best friend gets another best friend and wants the three of you to be best friends but you don't want to share....sort of. that is the best i can do to discribe it. I feel sad for lily jane because her whole world was turned upside down, and she does not understand it. It actually makes me cry for her. i guess thats mostly hormones. and its probobly a good thing she is young enough she will never remember the way it was.
speaking of hormones mikelle has the same menstrating like stuff as lily did. only more! I talked to the dr. about it and showed her, and she was surprised. she said its common, like probobly one in 20 girl babies do that. but she has never seen siblings both have it. she said i must be a really hormonal woman. well, that would be a major understatement. and it has never been more apparent to me then after i had a baby. The good news is, she's fine. its normal, and it will go away. still it is so strange to have your 6 day old little girl menstrating.
Devin is so good to me! he handles my emotionalness and all my crying so well. and trust me there is alot of it. I love him SO much. While I was in the hospital I was so lonely for him. I wanted to fall asleep talking to him on the phone like when we were dating. We were talking on the phone one night and I needed to go to sleep. we both found it funny that we were stalling hanging up the phone even though we had nothing really to talk about. He really is my favorit person. I would call him my best friend, but most of my married readers would probobly agree that best friend does not cut it. A spouse is greater then a best friend. Even when you get in fights you could not be happy without that person. And friends come and go, yet we still find happiness when a freind moves on. Thats how I feel any way. I wish everyone had that kind of a marriage, but sadly, I know they don't.
last night I was nursing Mikelle on the couch and lily was watching a movie. when i put Mikelle down lily climbed right into my lap and snuggled up. That is how she fell asleep. It was SO nice! How is it possible to love more then one person so much? I don't understand it. But I do, love both of my girls SO much! Lily is getting so big. she is so smart. And so funny too! What a charictor! And I can't wait to see what Mikelle is like. Right now she is really snuggly. I love to snuggle them both. I feel so blessed when we all snuggle. Like I have the world. I think I do!

I am reading...

So I know that this is totally uncharictoristic of me. But i have a book that I am reading, thatI love. Its not a novel, and is actually really short. Maybe studying would be a better word. Its called 21 days closer to Christ. It presents ideas to think about scripture verses to read and such, in a 21 days journy. I am taking longer then 21 days to read it because I read the chapter one day, then I read the verses another and write/think about the ideas for thought on another day. But it is SO good. It was writen by Emily Freeman, and has lots of beautiful at by Simon Dewey. At the end of each chapter it has an invitation like today it is "Discover" then the Journey...todays is..."Try to discover in every hour,some heavenly blessing that will bring you closer to Christ. A treasure, Gods Gold." So today at this moment, "Gods Gold", is my friend and sister Mandie. She came over for a few hours and I really injoyed it. She played with the girls and talked to me. I was not lonly. She is a blessing in my life.
I think why I love this book so much is because it is very interactive. Its actually only 135 pages long, but it is as if i have to digest each chapter (all three pages) and the digestion is the part where I get the most out of it. I LOVE it! Devin got it for me for Christmas.
Everyone is trying to et me to read this series of books about vampires. but the hting is I am not a reader. I don't injoy it. I would way wrather have somehting interactive, like a friend to tell me stories about themself or somehting like that. I remember on my mission while we were driving or tracting or doing some other thing that was mostly boring because its with the same person all the time. In many of my companionships we would tell about our life. A story about something that happend or something that made us the way we are. I really loved those times. but I loved the times where I was listening more then when I was telling. And I came to love those companions so much, deeper then others (only two) who for thier different reasons would not open up.
Any way, I am reading and I am injoying it. So this is good.

Happy due date to me!

It is 5:30 am, and I can't sleep. I have been awake for about an hour and a half. Big suprise! I am SOOO thirsty! to date I have had two 32 oz bottles of water just throughout the night, and I am working on my third as I type. My mouth is SO dry and I just want that cold wet feeling in my mouth every second. You would think the problem with this would be needing to go to the bath room every 20 minutes, but its not. I only have to go every hour to hour and a half. The problem is, the water is giving me heart burn. but nothing helps it. So I can't sleep. Also , I lay awake and day dream about not being PG any more, and then I start to imagine the birth and it keeps me awake too.I go through it over and over again in my head. Both if I have a vaginal birth or a c section. and I try and picture her too. I just want to hold her sooo bad! I try to take comfert in the fact that this time next week I will be holdong her, I wont be PG any more, and I will be able to eat and drink and not get heart burn from a sip of water. I am so tired though. I wish I could sleep.

What camilla and thora did....and I am bored also.

plus it was fun to go read my journal from 10 years ago and 5 years ago.

ten years ago....I was 16 a sophmore at East High. I pretty much hated everyone and everything, except for boys. I worked at golden swirl, and made 5 something an hour. I was trying to move out of my parents house. I bounced back and forth between Matt English as my boy friend and liking winslow burton (althugh we did not date). I have to admit I had to look in my journals to see what I was doing. I was a pretty angry kid at that time. How sad!
five years ago... much different story. I lived with My sisters Mandie and Camilla, and some other room mates, in a house on 11th east. I was dating Andrew Davies, but would not committ because I was writing Devin on his mission, preparing to go on my mission, struggling to get my teeth pulled, and paid for. I worked for sand star family entertainment. I made $8.00 an hour. I was really happy.
one year ago, I had been married to devin for a year and a half, lily was 8 months old and learning to crawl and furniture walk. We had been in our home for a year. I worked at America First credit union and devin worked for sygnus. All I wanted was to be home wth my baby and devin to have a job he did not dispise. three months later my wish came true.
yesterday, I sat around all day miserably pregnant and huge. Mandie brought her girls and they played with lily. And I wished my baby would come out. lily went to bed at 9ish and that was nice.
five foods I love...pasta,fresh fruit, fresh veggies, yogurt with frozen fruit,candie.
five things I would do if I had a million dollars...buy my dream home,hire maids to clean it, set up our retirement, pay for peoples missions, pay for Devin and all my kids to go to school.
five places I would like to go....Alaska, canada, east coast usa, All the church historicle sites, and any where in a huge rich hotel.
five things I hate doing...Cleaning, cooking, fighting, massaging people for free when they are hinting that they want me to(oh my neck hurts so bad, can you just...)grocery shopping, and spending money in general because it makes me sick to my stumach.
five of my greatest joys...watching lily grow, playing with her, spending time with my husband, my relationship with my siblings, my new book "21 days closer to Christ".

Emotions and the lack of energy to care....

Today has been a really hard day. I slept like crap last night, and did nothing all day today with the exception of cook some hamburger (ground turkey) for tacos. pretty much the same story yesterday. and the same tomorrow. It probobly sounds like I was being sarchastic when i said its been a hard day. I'm not. I have 0 energy. but can't sleep because I can't get comfertable. I want to lay on the bed with my eyes closed all day. But poor lily has energy, and lots of it, and she wants to play. Roxy and summer and mandie did a good job of playing with her for a few hours today. Those kids are so darn cute! for some reason I feel sort of sad, sort discuraged, sort of angry, and completly exausted! Too tired to do something about it, like cry or yell. I need to clean up dinner start the dishwasher, pick up the front room, fold and put away the laundry. that last one has to get done befor i can go to bed because my bed is underneath it all. If I were rich I would pay some one who needed a job to clean my house. tomorrow is my appointment. I don't even have the energy to be excited about that. I better go get started on that bed, so I can attempt to sleep.

Last night was so fun!

I am excited for my baby to come. I wish i could go out with everyone more often. I had a really good time. well till I got home and had a head ache fromteh dumb waiter who hit me in the head. but I went to sleep and it went away. Thank you to all of you who came, Amy, camilla, Mandie Halley, eva sylvia, mara, katrina and joanna. It helped me to get dressed up and go out. When you get the size I am, its a chore to shower and get dressed, but once I did (and it took me like two hours, even though I did not do anything special) I felt so much happier. it was nice.
tonight I got dressed again...(I know two nights ina row) and Devin and I had a date. his mom watched lily, and we stayed home a cooked dinner, and then had another couple come over to eat, they brought dessert and we played some games. we would have gone out but money does not permit it, so we made fajitas frm what we have. It was so fun to cook together listening to music, without having to tag team between lily and the food. She was an honory grouch when grandma picked her up, and happy as a lamb when she came home. so that was even better. Not that I don't like to spend time with her, but it was SO nice to have the time to be together just as a couple. We rarely do that. I hope we can do that more often, but I know it will be unlikely because my baby will be brand new. oh well it was nice for today. I am off to bed.

I have good news!!!!

The Dr said I have a favorable cervix. It seems funny to me that i would even be comfertable mentioning that body part to anyone, let alone that people who don't know me could read this, but I actually don't care. The baby is HEAD DOWN! and my cervix is softening and thining! Not dialated, but that is what happens after the softening and thining. So we can proceed to attempt a VBAC. I still am only going to wait till 41 weeks, and even if we make it to 41 weeks we wont do induction. but she still did not schedual the c section for 41 weeks, instead said we will see how things look next week, and if I am still PG we will go from there. I am so stinkin happy even though I know I could still end up having a c section. I am just glad that there is a chance, there is still a hope. Happy day!