Goals

I often go thourgh a post in my mind for this blog and then I have zero desire to write it. but I will write this one. the year is coming to an end. alot of people are super excited for 2010. I am for the things that are going to happen, but at the same time I am left wondering, why do we make such a fuss about the new year? it is as if we believe that something magical happens when the numbers change in the year. and I only half subscribe to the resolution thing because I really feel like we should be continually reviewing, re-evaluating, and refreshing our purpose, our goals, direction and progress. So then why do we make such a big deal of it on January 1st and not July 1st? well, I know the answere, its because of tradition. so I guess thats a stupid question. But I invite you all to have regular periods of evaluation and planning.
Even so, as I write the above paragragh. I have goals I want to share, that I plan on working towards in the next 12 months.
but first I am actually really happy to report that some of the ones from last year have actually been achieved.
they were:
1: learn and practice patience. still learning it......

2:study the life of Jesus Christ. I have studied, and I have injoyed it when i did.

3:get regular physical activity. i was better about that in the last 12 months then i have been ever. but not perfect. I did work hard most of the year on that. till about august.

4:get out of the house and do things with the kids. we went on vacation, and we did get out but no where near as much as we needed to. I still really need to work on that.

5:make a few new close girl friends. I did it! well I made one and I love her! my friend Jen is the perfect match for me, I am still learning about how to have a friend who is not a sister of mine, but she is patient with me. love you Jen! I had to go to girls camp to find her. and I am so glad I did. she was the first person I saw as I steped out of the van, and she would not let me past till she knew my name. and its been non stop fun ever since with her. Also I have become even closer with a few of my sissy friends too. I love them all!

6: become a do-er. this one......fail. I have to say I am at the same point now, that i was when I set that goal. but....there have been moments of success, fleeting as they may be i must give them due credit. like the 10 days i worked out in the front yard everyday. and, and and....ok thats all I can think of. but there were more.

ok so what am i going to work on next?

1: doing more with my kids. getting out and teaching wise.

2: save money. even of its a doller a week I want to start to save.

3: have a healthy pregnancy, eat well, exersice and sleep. lots of sleep.

4: take monthly pictures of our family, not as a family neccisarily, but have everyone documented on a monthly basis.

5: finish the Book of Mormon.

looking forward to mikelle turning two,
lily turning 4,
having my third baby,
celebrating 5 years of marriage with my hubby,
lots of fun times,
and many things that are yet to come that I am not aware of.
and praying for the strength to endure the difficult times.
bring on 2010!

a time and a season to every purpose under heaven.

well I am finally making another blog update...yay! unfortunatly the yuck has not gone away. infact it just seems to get worse with every week that passes. I was laying down for a nap and then woke upneeding to eat the girls are asleep,so I might as well write. I would not call it morning sickness. partly because its not just in the morning but all day and partly because it is this strange combination of nausia and extreem hunger that some how are connected. I have been waking up at night so hungry I can hardly lay there without passing out. I get that way really quickly too. and thats how I get hungry. one minute i am fine and the next i am shaking and starving and the thought of most foods, or pretty much any food makes me feel like I am going to have the pukes. This baby is hungry, and demanding :) Iwould keep crackers next to the bed. but the only things I want to eat int he night don't include any foods that can sit out for5 hours. ah the joys. and this too shall pass, but till then, it sucks. and if you read my blog you get to hear about it.
I was released from my calling of 1st councelor in the young women presidency today. I am sad. but I know that it is time. I just wish it were possible to do everything I wanted all at once. but it is not. and I don't have strength even if it was. I have truley loved this calling. but really I truley love those young women. they are so beautiful. when I say that I realize that I have pretty much loved every calling I have ever had. but the youth are something amazing. My sister Halley posted on her blog about how she loves other peoples children, and it got me thinking....."huh I don't." now that might sound mean but its not. I take other peoples kids like I do other people. I am not best friends with every other person. there are some I get along with better then others. but when it comes to teenagers, I really love them. right now I can say that because i don't have any of my own. and I know they can be difficult for their parents. but I think I get them, on a different level then i get little kids. For one I still remember very clearly my teenage years and I was a rebelliouse one to say the least, so the rebels are not forign to me and the "good" ones, or less rebellouse ones, are more like me now. I am greatful for the season I was able to get to the girls. now it is time for me to focus on something else. my last thought on that subject is I hope I did enough to let them know I love them. and I hope the do know it.
we found renters. I am really excited about it. finally. I am shocked that we made it this long without renters and am greatful for the many blessings from the Lord that made it possible. I feel like we have been watched over and tenderly cared for. thank you to any and all who prayed for us to find renters. your prayers have been answered. love you all. Merry Christmas and a happy holiday season.

For Rent

I have a basement apartment for rent. We need renters as soon as possible. It is three minutes from down town slc, and lds business college. perfect for one or two students or a married couple. $500.00 covers rent and all utilities. plus a $200.00 move in /cleaning deposit. It is one bedroom, full kitchen, the bathroom has a shower, on site laundry, basic cable tv and high speed internet. LDS standards required. please put the word out there. call tali 801-759-2833 or email sisterfallick@gmail.com. thanks everyone.

a baby, binky and dead spiders.

then ramblings in my head.
I wish I could beg everyone. Please please please if you are sick stay in bed....AT HOME!. for at LEAST 24 hours after your fever is gone. why is it that people think they should go to church sick? It really bothers me. No it pisses me off!
on to a few happier notes. we found out we are expecting again. Yay for Baby # three! I am excited....well when I feel well I am. I have not felt too sick really so I should not complain. its just been either not well or extreem hunger and then when I eat its extreem heart burn. plus the usual tiredness. but that is not so bad. I know that I have to go to bed early or if I don;t then I will be sick. I stayed up till 1 am the other night and I was so sick till about 11 am the next morning and that was all night. I did not actually throw up but that is more because i will do everything I can to keep it down. I HATE throwing up. its a control issue I have. the feeling of out of control of my body while it purges itself is not one ai handle well. I am sort of a control freak. same reason i hate being tickled. I can't control my bodies response. and I hate that feeling. any who. Lily thinks its a boy. I dunno. I don't really have a feeling either way. but if I had to pick I would say probobly girl. who knows. due sometime in june. I am happy to have a summer baby too! Now if i can just keep from getting sick from all the nasty people out there who don't care that they are spreading thier germs. that would be great.
We got rid of the binky this weekend. it went relativly smooth. a few more tears then with it but today she did not even ask for it. and she went right to sleep tonight with0ut any tears at all. she is such a big girl.
also on another positive note.................the spiders are dead!!!!!!!!! all of them. yesterday while playing out side I found not one or two or even three dead black widows. but four! I am SO greatful they were dead. To think that they were living ON my house. all of them were found on my home. one was the size of a nickle. so about a year old. EWWW! needless to say I will definatly be having them spray every three months for now on!
I really need to rent my basement. I am goig to advertise it at a college near by. i just have to find the right person. please pray for us. going on three months now without a renter witch is essentially my job and supplements our income by about a third.
i love this time of year. its been unseasonally warm. and that has been nice, but I can't wait till it snows. I love the cold and the wet! SO ready for the wet. So bring on the rain~

Snow!

I love this storm. it is awesome! yeah sure its not even Halloween yet, but what ever! it will all be gone by friday if not sooner. People are complaining all over about it. Honestly i would go play out there in a heart beat, give me a big snow or rain storm over 90+ degrees any day. Its really coming down! You can't see how big the flakes are but they are huge.

a pet peve..........

for some reason this is bugging me and I feel compelled to tell you all. You know when someone has a baby and they announce it like in an e mail or face book or some thing like that? I can't stand it when they say....." weighing in at....." Its not a wrestling match or a boxing match. I can't really explain why it bothers me so much. but it does. They don't weigh in. they are weighed ON the scale. I always notice and then re read it "weighed........... how ever much, or weighs. any who. It just drives me crazy. very silly I know.

foul of the air

I have birds! and birds I have a plenty! My rose bushes are sworming with these little finch type birds! and guess what they are doing.....eating. and I am going to bet they are eating bugs....you can read that as spiders. YAY! I love the birds. I could sit in the front window and watch them all afternoon. they are so busy. running here. flying there. then back again for something more. They make me happy. thank you Father in Heaven for my birds.

I HATE SPIDERS! amd they are in a plenty at my house. I have seen more spiders on the outside of my house since august then I have ever seen in years before. Did I mention i hate them. and I know they are in my house too. ok outside they have a purpose. eating other bugs....inside my house they do not. I will squish or otherwise deal with them on my own inside. But if they are on the outside of my house I know they are inside too. EWWW!

Don't know what it is but my head aches are back in full swing. like three to four a week. It could be that I am not getting enough sleep. But I am trying and it is not working. Very frustrating. I wish there were a cure. for a few monthes they seemed to be getting better....like once a week to every two or three weeks. any advcie? I am really done having this pain.

I am tired. sleepy and general exaustion. I think i say that alot. but it is true. when I am tired I am grumpy or at least I sound that way to myself. especially when i write. so I will wrtie about somethings that I can't be grumpy about. in an attempt to sound not grumpy. because if i don't sound grumpy when I re read what I wrote then maybe I wont feel grumpy. never mind the fact that I should have been asleep two hours ago and i would not be so tired right now. But I feel like I don't get a good chance for some rejuvinating me time unless I stay up late enough that i get a few hours after my kids go to sleep. if I tryed to get that in the morning I would be up at 5:00 am and that does not just make me grumpy but actually makes me angry and is just bad all around. sorry about the digression from happy things before I even got started.
I have noticed how big Mikelle is. Holy! she is so grown up. she is as old as Lily was when Mikelle was born. and I am NOT even pregnant. Yay! I can't believe I was PG and then had a baby when Lily was only 20 monthes old. NEVER AGAIN! Mikelle is a really good listener. she follows directions pretty good too. well that is if she is fed and not tired and as a result is happy when you give the directions. She speaks so well. and can be so silly. Also I noticed she really looks like Lily did at 20 months.
Lily is also so grown up. I forget that she was mikelles age or what she was like at mikelles age. I guess I just think she has always been this grown up. she LOVEs school. every day I take her she is saying bye to me before I even open the car door, and she talks about her school all day. things are starting to stick from school. she knows that letters make sounds. not what sounds they make. It is funny she will say a word like "milk. milk starts with a p. it says duh duh." so its all mixed up but she is understanding that words start with letters, and letters make sounds. also she loves to do her "homework." she does not actually have home work. but she likes to pretend with a paper. and I have been making good use of the willingness by reinforcing what they learn about at school. she has also recently started to ask for me to tell her a story at bed time. so i make up my own versions of Little house on the prary stories, the names are all the same and the basic details but the events are made up by me.I usually try to teach her something from what happens in the story. like helping mommy. I know I am cunning aren't I? or being a good friend or sister. or what ever. I have to make up my own stories because they have to have an ending and it has to be dark in her room so I could not read the books any way. but this way I figure I can introduce her to Little house on the prary so when she is a little older I can read them with her and she will find them familiar. some times she will ask me during the day what did Mary do last night? I usually tell her that Mary when to bed just like Lily did. because often the story includes Mary and Laura and little Grace going to bed. And she asks me every night to tell her a story about Mary.
In church a while ago the stake president talked to us. I felt the desire to make it a goal to attent every meeting of stake conference that I am invited to, so all but the Priesthood meeting. I have only ever attended the Sunday meeting regularly and the adult session once. I hope I can do it. I always learn so much when i get to pay attention. I also am really excited for General conference this year. well i always am. I Love that I can listen to it on the radio while I clean. When i was little we had to go to the stake center an hour away and sit in hard chairs and watch it over satellite broadcast.
I am so happy that fall is coming. I love the cooler weather where the leaves start to change and fall off the tree. I love sweater weather!
there. do I sound grumpy? I hope not cause I did not write about the grumpy things but I do have long list of em.

I have been feeling really......misfit for the most part latly. I need a best friend. one who is not family. As dear to me as my sisters are (and I love that they are my friends), I want someone to have things in common with that did not grow up in the same house as me. Someone who will not look down at my scrounginess, a person who can relate to how I grew up, and understand who I am now because of it. Someone to learn from and with. Someone who's kids are not perfect so when we play together I am not self contoise about the fact that my kids are the only ones not siting there still as can be eatign their lunch quietly. I love those kids and I wish mine were like that but they are not and I can't make them be. and everytime I am around those type of kids I cannot enjoy myself because I feel bad. I know that what you see is not the whole picture. Any way, for w while now I have just wanted a friend who gets me. I can make friends by being friendly easily. but what I want is someone who I really feel a connection with. Another problem I often have is I meet someone who I fit with easily and we connect and then I don't know what to do after that. One of my major goals for this year was to make and keep a friend. When my sister lost her best friend, and i started to learn more about their relationship, it really made me want something like that. It has been years since I have had a close friend who is not related to me. maybe I have isolated myself with my sisters. I thought i made a best friend while serving my mission, but it turns out it was more one of those connections that stayed on the mission. So when we came back we basicly went our seprate ways. before that I would say a few roomates fit the catagory, but they all got married and it has been hard to maintian those relationships now.Either I have kids and they don't or our husbands don't mix or they moved far away, or something. My absolute best friends have actually been 2 guys. And those relationships eventually became different (because I got married) or ended for other reasons. I know that often people come into our lives when they are needed and then they go out of our lives when we move on. I get that. but where is that person for the stage I am in now? Ultimatly Devin is my best friend. But I feel like I need a woman friend......that is not three years old. I might have found one. but what do I do now? And what if she is not looking for a new best friend. It all sounds so Jr High-ish. But those are my real feelings.

I have a swollen lymph node. it hurts. and I can't decide if I should go to the Dr's or not. I have to go to girls camp in a little under one week. So part of me thinks I should go now and see if it is something that could prevent me from going or that I could get cleared up by then. but part of me thinks I should just wait it out a few more days and see if I can get it to go away with tea and garlic. The problem with that is, that if Iwait and it does not help then I end up needing to go to the Dr's on the week end...because we leave early early monday morning. and I could possibly get a had start on treating it if I go now. where if I go on saturday I wont. I don't know what to do. I wish someone else would just decide for me and tell me the out come of both now so I will know they made the right choice. so could ione of you do that for me? that would be great! I have had a mild fever I think. It was yesterday and it was so mild I did not bother to check it. I had a head ache at the same time and that is why i did not check it. I often get a real mild fever whrn I have a head ache. but then in reading on line about it. a swollen lymoh nope with a head ache and a fever are signs of enfection. that enfection can be any one of a number of things. it is the things that it could be that worry me. like strep. or other worse yucky things I don't want. I noticed the pain monday evening. so how long do I wait? I can't be sick next week. we already are short handed with girls camp.

Did you know....?

That when the out side temp hits 90 degrees or above that your patiance actually melts away? It is a proven fact. ok well maybe not yours but mine does.

All or nothing

Right now I feel like I need all or nothin. basicly in referance to my spiritual life, my marriage, my children and my parenting, and those all flow together so much that they are virtually impossible to separate. For example, I feel a need to be closer to the spirit. but just increasing my thoughts about spiritual things will not suffice. I need to be completly imersed. I think it is this way all the time. or should be, but that just means that if I let one thing slip I let it all slip and I then fall into the "nothin" catagory. I don' t like this about myself, because it also means that if I need to make changes or improvments I get overwhelmed very easily and then I quit. I think I am just a very weak soul with little self restriant or control. I resist control a lot. that would be a large understatement if you were to ask my parents. never the less it is true, I also really like the freedom to be spontaneuos. I am not a schedual orianted person. well mostly not so much when it is someone elses schedual. I like to be in control of my own spontanuity. problem with that is I have to deal with other peoples scheduals and they don't usually read my mind very well, so they are always off from my non-schedualed spontanious schedual. (grin)This creates a lot of frustration for me. there are three things I have found so far about parenting that are HUGE frustrations to me.
sleeping......and not sleeping. Did you know if a child does not want to sleep, there is really no way to force them to? I know it seems like there must be a way, but theres not. oh there is always the little sneaky things people do like giving the kid a dose of benidril (cough couch...they have a spider bite that is as big as their head), it will make them sleepy mostly likely. but...if they are my kid chances are they are sleepy already. they are just more stubern the sleepy. and no matter how sleepy they get, they can always get more stubbern. Where there's a will theres a way. Just trust me on that one. I may or may not have tryed it. and once you finaly knock em out, they still get you by not allowing you to sleep, no matter how tired you are. yup thats my little sweeties!
eating.......oh there are many frustrations with that one. almost too many to count. It is not limited to eating or not eating enough. it includes, where we put our food, in our mouth or on the floor. if we swallow it after we chew it or if we just chew it and spit it out on the floor. if we can keep it down once we swallow it, what we eat when we eat, and drink, what we use to eat and drink our food, who is feeding them, and what they are giving them. I just realised I included myself in those issues, but I assure you I have no problems with my eating habbits. however Lily would tell you another story. she does not like me to eat things she does not want herself. I know weird.
Potty training........I have to say that I have been really blessed with this one with lily so far. she is basicly potty trained. so it is not frustrating to me for the typical reasons. it is frustrating to me because that is one thing, that if you are going to teach a kid to do it, you have to be patiant, you have to be schedualed and you have to be right there on top of it. I am not schedualed and the thing that frustrates me about it is that sometimes and about half the times that she has an accident, it is my fault. that makes me frustrated with myself. I do tell her I am sorry that I did not get there intime, or appologise for what ever it was, and I am really trying to be extremely patient, so she does not see my frustration. SHe does a good job. Still very frustrating to me.
the spiritual part of the all or nothing feeling is this. I don't feel the spirit easily unless I am complelty immerssed in the gospel. Attening the temple, studying the gospel on my own daily for a good hour or more, it takes me that long to understand and feel like I have made connections, going to church, surrounding myself with it constantly. The only time I have had the time to do all of that was when I was only working and preparing for a mission, or on my mission. I still have to do all the other things too.
I'm getting the idea that I hold myself to too high of an expectation. But here is the tricky thing about it. I don't feel happy when I only do a little. or some. I do feel happy when I succesfully do all of it. oh that feeling of control and accomplishment is so.....uephoric(sp). the times when everything is done, I have done all the things I need/want to do, have been pure joy. I know the whole bit about how we are not perfect, and so we are continually working......but those two times where I was really doing it all, or doing everything I should be,man the other things I needed to work on, because there still were plenty, seemed so much more managable. and I could increase my effort still, and did. But why not now? Now it seems like I never do all the things I need to and just adding more effort is overwhelming.

I am decluttering, or trying to. I got about half the toys gone, fridge mostly cleaned OFF, and am attacking the closets next. they are scary! so I will let you know if I have stuff to give away. I really just want to go through my house and start chucking stuff but if i do that without care I will end up chucking really important things that will have to be replaced or cannot be replaced. But i really want to get ride of all our junk. we have SO much of it. reduce, re-use, recycle. but mostly reduce!

I am so unmotivated, indecisive, tired, worn out, sleepy. A few weeks ago I was gettin crap done. I was weeding in the garden everyday, doing yard work alone with both kids out there with me, and even though there were a few days that I did not want to do it, I forced myself and once I got out there and got working I was in a grrove and would just go and go. fast forward to last week sometime. I all teh sudden lost all drive to do anything, I am so tired all day that I could sleep at any moment givin the chance, and I have everyday for over a week. at at not good times. Not just when the girls are both asleep. I can't seem to get the drive to go take the laundry down stairs and get it started let alone get out side and DO stuff. granted till today it has been rainy. but even today i went out there and the smallest amount of weeds were overwhelming and depressing. Why pull them they will kist come back. uhg. and i cannot shake this sleepiness, and overall my body is tired and has no energy, no matter how much i sleep or what i eat. grrr.

our hike with Phannie up millcreek

pictures of our gardening and out door adventures....

Mine and haleeys first garden.




this is how we inetertianed them while we worked.

sharing...

Devin and Lily playing while I weeded the garden....she is drawing him.

and this was just plain cute. What a girl!

my camrea for some reason does not write some pictures to the card all the way and it always seems to be the cutest ones! I am so bummed. oh well this is what we got. I will add more.

a most wonderful day! I had and still have a TON of house work to do, along with yard work. but today I put it all on hold and went for some much needed and long over due time in the great out doors. We (the girls and I) went and picked up my friend Steph. She took us up Millcreek canyon. It was beautiful. perfect temp, a little breeze plenty of shade and wide open space. oh and the un-expected treat was lots and lots of dogs. The girls had a hay day seeign all the dogs not on leashes and had to pet every single one. Lily is still talking aboutthe mountain and all the dogs. we just walked as long as lily was good, and once she was acting a little tired turned around and came down. We stoped for a sack lunch at a picnic spot, and in general just had a nice walk. I wonder now how far we went. but I have no idea. we started up the canyon just before 11:00am and reached the car to go home about 1:00pm. Did I mention it was perfect? well it was. I recomend the mountains to everyone, you need it. the air is clear, the sight is one to behold, and you will find yourself smiling. So go take to the hills everyone! you wont regret it!
when we left both girls were sleepy and were out cold by the time we were home. so i layed them both down, and had a good nap myself . One of the nice things about my nap was I did not fall asleep right away, but only after laying in my bed with the window at teh head of my bed open with a little bit of sun shining in as a nice spring breeze blew in on me. I layed there and listen to the birds on the trees sing, and a plane some where far above fly over, and some kids in the area playing, that is what I fell asleep to. It was perfect. the phone did not ring, no one woke up crying, and I slept for two hours. when I woke up, the house was quite, the girls were still sleeping (they were worn out) and I called a few of my sisters and told them about it. once again i need to post the pictures, but I left my camera out in the car and I am too itred to go get it. but I do haev evidence we had the perfect day. I'll show you all later. I am so thankful for this beautiful Earth we live on and I want to find more oppertunities to enjoy it. Heres to the perfect day!

ramblings of Tali's quiet time.....

life.....
I have been gardening. well at my house it is actually just pulling weeds and grass front he huge flower bed out front It was covered in two foot long grass. I started last week or the week before right after we had a few days in a row of rain, it was easy...well the weeds came out easy, it is not easy how ever on my back arms or hands (I do wear gloves) and it is any but easy to do that task while keeping track of my two children and continuously stopping kelle from running in the street. I am now about two thirds of the way done. it is a lot of work with very little of any reward. No one is going to thank me, when it is all done you wont have any idea how much was there to see that it was a huge job, and.....it will all grow back again. and don't forget the 100 year old roses that also live in that flower bed. those Lady's are mean! I surprised at my fear of the Little creatures that might be living in the dirt. I grew up with those little creatures. but it has been so many years since I have spent allot of time in the dirt that i guess I gained a fear of it. at first I was so afraid I would meet a spider, or a snake. the grass is just like the grass I use to play in, that was a common place for rattle snakes, garden snakes and bull snakes to hide. Or if i would find black widows or some other huge ugly spider.and with each hand full of weeds that came out I wondered if it would be my dreaded last. because if i did see one of those things, or some other creepy crawly thing. I know I would most likely not be hurt, but would leave the area at once, never to return. and the job would not get finished. but I have found that the more I do it, the less i fear, till i am right down there in the dirt with the creepy crawlies in sight, and then all at once i remember my fear, or at least wonder about that last fated handful, that could be right around the corner. so i stop, clean up my mess and go inside. but, i am happy to say that i keep going back, later either that evening or the next day. If I did not it would not get done. and slowly but surely it is.
In other garden news, My sister Halley and I have started a garden.. we made rows, tilled the soil, mulched it with fertilized soil and planted, tomatoes (two kinds of cherry, and one big boy) cucumbers, squash, zukkini, basil and cilantro. we used starts that My sister Amy planted from seed. Our garden is at Halleys house, in hopes that since we are sharing it, it will get the care it needs, our kids can play together while we work (or fight if you know our kids) and we will enjoy the fruit of our labors together too. we shall see. it is both of our first garden. My girls have given me a few good moments while we have been out side working in the garden. Kelle LOVES the dirt. and Lily loves to play out side and sing to her self but ideally loves to play with the neighbors if they are out. I few times I have caught her sneaking off while I have my back turned, to go see if they can play. she is such a social girl. and every man that looks older then me that walks by they start creaming grandpa or papa and want then to stop and play. I feel so bad for these strangers because many are not much older then me. I showed Lily the Roley poly bugs, you know the ones that roll up into a ball. well she loves them. she keeps telling me "mommy, find me a Poly poly, please!" I love to hear her say it. It is so stinking cute!
I am so happy that may is finally here. May and October are my favorite Utah months. its perfect weather, the world still looks pretty and colorful, and people are out and about. oh and its not to hot for living. come June and it will officially be too hot for living. That is my way of saying it is so hot I wish I were dead. I hate the heat. It makes me grumpy and tired ,head achy and anti social, because I stay inside to avoid it.
All this work that is not the typical house work,has made me almost miss working. I just miss the variety of tasks. And the growth I experienced. I also miss earning money. well gardening is hard work and I wish I could get paid to pull my weeds. Now that would be so worth it. Speaking of money I need some. I need to either do more massage, and or get some work I can do at home with my girls. Like child care. So if anyone knows of someone close to the down town area who has one or two young kids they would like to pay someone to play with. send them my way. They can come play in the dirt with us.
On another note, Lily will have a birthday this month and I think we are just going to do a small family thing. like just our family and let her invite three cousins or friends over to play. other people do huge things every year and I just can't do it. one, I don't want her to expect it, two, can;t afford it, and three, it is so much work on my part and she wont even remember it. but cannot believe she is growing up So fast. she is officially potty trained. like she has been dry all night for like three weeks. and she had one accident in the past two weeks. It happened so fast. I am really proud of her. but she has recently taken a turn for the worse in the bed time and sleeping department. If she does not have a nap she is a mess all day and nothing an stop it but sleep. but that sleep is at 4pm, and if she sleeps then, she will be up till 2 am. and I can't deal with her screaming and crying, and hitting a spitting all day. So i give her a nap, but she wont go to sleep. she will fight it for hours, till its too late and if she goes to sleep then she will be up till 12am. it is very frustrating to me. Made worse by the fact that kelle is opposite, and she will pull me into her room and say reach as she is reaching for her crib, because she wants to take a nap. then i lay her down and walk away and she is asleep before I close the door. and she sleeps through the night.lily still does not. It is driving me crazy! Mikelle is growing up so fast too. she talks really well. and she has the funniest little teasing personality. she loves to give real big hugs. where she will wrap her arms all the way around my neck and squeeze. and hold it for a second. they are the best! i love to watch her and lily play. Lily is really into pretending right now. So she loves to pretend that she is a dog, or that kelle is her dog, and she will walk her and give doggy kisses (lick your face) and pant and bark. and kelle just goes along with it, witch ever one she is assigned to play, weather its the dog or the owner. Lily is a very strict dog owner. she is always telling her dog to "sit", "stay" "come here", "lay down" she even says it in her best commanding voice. they both loves small to medium size dogs. kelle will go crazy if she See's a "puppy". and she does not know why they run from her. they both are really afraid of bigger dogs or hyper dogs. well I have wasted my share of time quiet time. girlie's are waken. It is off to work I go. If you actually finished reading this, your a good person. it is long and rambled. and you will be an even better person if you help me find some work I can do for money from home. See ya later all! oh and check back for pictures, they are coming soon.

thank you all for the well wishes! I am on the mend.

no I don't think i have the swime flu or H1N1 if you will (those poor little piggys). Although i guess I could have and its not as bad as most people are making it out to be. I have had influenza once befor where I went to the hospital, when i was pg with lily. That felt like death, this even at its worst moments was no where near as bad. I am sure I have the flu. but I am getting better very quickly and I think it is because I know how to tale care of myself. I think with the way I have felt today, if it continues liker this I will be fine by sunday and I will give it one more day, just to be sure, and so i can clean my house up, and get all the laundry done. I would have gone to the Dr's too. well I did and he did not show up so they sent me home. I know. weird huh? Has anyone ever had their Dr. not show up to work and be unreachable by the clinic? I sure have not, till today. I could tell i was getting better so I did not try to reschedual the app. but it was a big job getting me and my girls to teh clinic first thing this morning, by my self, sick. I should ahve told them I require 24 hour cancelation notice, or a $25.00 fee per patient, considering I actually had 3 appointments in a row for me and each of my girls. I could use that 75 bucks, for sure! but it was not the receptionists fault, although i would think they would call me to tell me, but I just thanked her and tryed to leave calmly. Lily made that very difficult because she was yelling at me and crying "I want to see the Dr.!" mama, you told me, we see the Dr!" she has a really hard time if i donlt tell her what we are doing, and if i do tell her and it changes she gets really upset. poor girl. I see her growing up to have the same struggle I do when things change that are out of her control. I hate that. it is unsettling to me too. any who. thats it. laters!

Sily Lily!

we are sitting at the table eating dinner and Lily decides she wants to sing....At the top of her lungs. it was cute so I let it go one for a few seconds. then that was not good enough. she had to have Daddy sing with her. only problem was she was making up the song herself. It said something about daddy mommy lily kelle, and a few leters in there too, and then she has this little fake cat that you put in water and it grows, and she mentioned that too. Needless to say Devin was not able to get the words right let alone her tune that she was making up. but it was really funny. So a few minutes later I had to get her to stop screaming, I mean singing her head off, so this is how it went....

Mommy: "I will tell you a story if you stop singing.
Once upon a time, in a land far away there was a little girl. She was SO cute..... and she.....what did she do lily?"
Lily: "a child of God teach to pray all day."
Mommy; "awesome! ok."
It was so cute. there was no relevence what so ever, but she said it without a bit of hesitation. like that was the answere. It was so funny.

She also has been putting "all day" on teh end of what ever it is she is talking about. like..."good morning mommy, I wake up ALL day!" (yesterday when she woke up from her nap.)

lets see, what is on my mind.

I have had NO desire to blog. and even now it feels forced. But i want to have desire to do it. I always feels better when i write my feelings. I think part of the reason I don't want to write is because no one ever comments but a few people in my family who I should talk to aout this stuff, so then i would not need a blog. Devin Deleted his for that reason, and I toy with the idea myself. but there arethings on this blog I want to keep so I don't delete it. The thing is thats how I live my life. holding onto crap that I want to keep just incase i want to read that talk later or I might need that piece of papy for something, sometime. but I never do, and it just clutters my house and makes me want to go in another room that is more organised and not full of crap. I really wish I could be one of those people who has nothing laying out, in piles or stored in the junk draw, junk box etc. I feel so happy and clean and like I can move with ease in houses like that. I am too lazy to do that and I know I would not be able to keep it up, so it wouldlast for a week at most and then die. like my blog.
I really miss the sun! Sun sun Mr golden sun, please shine down on me, and everyone else in my house. we need lots of days with sun and time to play outside, but we also need a better out door play area. I think when it gets warm we are going to start taking hikes in the wild and go exploring. I am hust not sure where we can do that. I hate that Lily loves TV so much. but I don't know how to play outside in the city. I need trees to climb and hills and growth to "get lost in" and build my own little house (a blanket under a bush with my doll and some food from the garden). I need streams and caves and mud, you know the great out doors. I am sure it exists. just no where I go. and I don't mean a park. NOT the same. City dirt is so much dirtier then country dirt. I really want lily to love the out doors and know how to play safe in it. Any one know a good free out doors place to explore. I miss the trails in Burnaby Canada. I wish we could go there.
I also Miss British Columbia So bad!

a poem for today.

It has been a while.
I am sick of the cold.
I am sick of the sick-ness.
Bed time battles bothering me.
Fellings...are frustation.

2008

so I have seen a few people review their year on their blog and have decided I should do it some where so why not here.
2008 was started with my brand new kitchen just in time for the birth of mikelle. I can hardly believe she is 1. (well she will be next week) While we were so greatful she finaly was here, I was recovering from the C section, that was rough.
then I had my gal bladder removed...now that was not as nice as the c section because i did not get a cute little lovable baby in return. I was greatful how ever to never have to have that pain again. (knock on wood, and cross my fingers I never get kidney stones.)
next we celebrated lily's 2nd birthday! she is growing so fast! I hardly remember her as a baby any more. corse all I have to do is look at mikelle to remind me. they look so much alike I have a hard time tellingthem apart in pictures when lily was mikelle's age.
The girls and I spent the bulk of our summer at raging waters. I kept my kids laterd up with sun screen enough that neither one got a sun burn! me on the other hand, thats a different story.
we went to see the Brimms and went to lava hot springs for our family vacation, short as it was, we had a lot of fun.
I turned 27. I feel old. no just tired.
mikelle crawled for about two seconds ok maybe a month and then was walking by 9 months, and lily proved to us that she is fearless by going on the zip line at Daytons house. The girls and I tryed to spend lots of time out doors in the yeard as it cooled off from summer. after that its al a blur. the fall was way to short.
so I look back on 2008 and I feel kind of crapy. I did not accomplish a lot of the things I set out to. oh ! but I did make bread twice. and I set a goal to make bread. so thats got to count for something. seriously I meant to go to the temple and study the scriptures. do a mom and tot exersize class, and a whole list of things I did not do so I am will not list.
but I still have some goals for this new year.
they are...
1 learn and practice patiance.
2 study the life of Jesus christ
3 get regular physical activity.
4 get out of my house/do lots of things with my kids. I have this tendancy to stay home for some reason and I think its because I get caught in this thinking that its so hard with two kids and just me, and also often there is no one to go with me for adult company, and for some reason I let those things stop me. I need to just buck up and to it. in reality if I time it right lily does better if we get out of the house and go some where.
I need to find and fit into my week some regular girl friend time. this one is hard because I have basicly given up or lost all of my girl friends that were not a relative. this is only partly my fault. some have families too and our scheduals just clashed, others just went away and I am not even sure why. this leads me to the next one....
5 make a few new close girl friends. or get back in touch with some old ones.
6 and this one is lofty....put a considerable effort into becoming a "do-er". someone who does it "NOW" not 15 minutes from now when it will end up not getting done. I want to always be doing something. weather its picking up my house while I talk on the phone, instead of just sitting, or folding laundry while i watch a show. I want to work on getting things done.
and that leads the the last one witch is work hard tobe a better home maker, or a maker of a better\cleaner home.
So this next year is going to be all about getting it done. I am going to DO stuff in 2009!