interview with lily

Thanks camilla and Mikki for the idea.

1. what do you like to be called. Jane, Lily.

2. what is your fav food. cheese burgers, hambergers, chicken nuggets. drink milk, fruit loops cereal.

3. fav thing to do. play my video game. its so great its so special. and my pillow pet, its a unicorn. its name is sally.

4. fav color pink and purple.

5. best friend, kodee, in my class at school. dacie, danica, and roxy are my fav cusins. best friend at church is aurora.

OH my gosh! I want to scream! see I am planning our ward christmas party, and well a few people have been really helpful, but.................most are not! and it really bothers me. I need someone to read the account of the birth of the savior from the book of Luke. I have asked so many people and still I have no one to read it. everyone wants to cook food, no one wants to help with the program. I should not say no one, because a few people have said yes, and then found out they wont be there or have to work, and a few very nice talented people are doing things, but seriously. I am so glad I only have to do this for the one activity. Christmas time gets so stressful. even though we are doing a very simple christmas with our own family, spending very little money, lots of free things as gifts, I had big plans for decorating, and instead I opted out to releive the stress and contention that would result from me getting after the girls to stop knocking the tree over (we did put it up, but it is very bare and we are putting the things the girls make on it.) Its just this ward party that is making me crazy. I wish this post was one with nice pictures and all and a good story, about how I feel all full of Christmas cheer.

Today I feel so discuraged. my only hope is that tomorrow is better. At least I am discuraged about my own lacking then my kids or something I cannot control. I just feel like once in a great while I do something really right and the rest of the time I do everything wrong or can't do it the way I want to. like making bread. I did it and it could have been great...but it was not. I over did it. I also managed to over cook cookies made from frozen cookie dough. I was on top of the laundry, I had a system down for like a week, then I got sick and now I can't get it the way I want it again and I don't know why. and my parenting. I think nothing induces guilt like parenting. I wonder if it is that way with everyone or just me. I feel really bad that I spank my kids. not because I think they should get away with inapropriate behavior, but because if I take the time and carefuly navigate the tantrums without spanking it is so much better, but I get overwhelmed, caught up in the chaos, upset, at a loss of what to do and I feel so bad. I remember very clearly the thoughts and feelings I had towards my parents when i was spanked. they were deffinatly not loving, and I did not feel they loved me then either. I don't want to be like them. I will be the first to say that it made me afraid, but did not teach me logic.

So I am not sure what is going on with me. and sometimes writing it out helps me organise my thoughts. But i feel strange. not myself. I have no desire for pretty much anything. well thats not really true. I feel great while i am working out, once the endorphins get flowing. but I have a lack of interest in most everything else. I

Taking care of me

I have been doing it. running. well I walk /jog but it feels great! I did 6 1/2 miles last week and hope to get in 10 this week. It would be nice if the weight would come off fast so i can keep my motivation and see results soon, but I am not counting on it. I am trying to injoy that fact that it still feels good and I feel happy while I am doing it. I feel good because I am making a real effort to take care of myself physicaly and spiritually. trying to get exersize and eat well/ stay hydrated and figure out why I am so tired all the time. plus I am studying the gospel, reading the scriptures and praying on a regular basis. It feels good, and I am enjoying myself.

I DID IT!!!!!! I went and walked/ran around liberty park. I did three miles! It felt SO good. I put Natalie and kelle in the stroller, I wish I had a running stroller but I do not so mine was sufficient.

Oh how I want to lose weight..... It is one of those things I want so bad but can't seem get past my own mind and make it happen.

Lily Loves school! I am so glad she is going. Her teacher tells me she is a natural born leader. Mikelle has attempted the potty a few times and then deserts it till she is ready to try again, days or weeks later. Natalie is getting so big I can't believe it. she has out grown all of her clothes. she smiles, laughes and coes at me alot.

Its hard not getting enough sleep. its hard on everyone in the family. My kids esp this past week. I am so tired I forget things that are really important to them. I never wanted to do that. I also lose my temper way too fast, and they don't understand why. I cry alot and that makes them cry when they see me crying. Nat is has colic and every night till after midnight. now to make things even worse for her she has a cold. she can't breath through her nose. It worries me so much. So even when she is sleeping I am checking on her constatntly. I don;t feel like myself latly. I feel liek I am moving in extreem slow motion. and I feel........uhg about everything because it takes too much energy. I am not eating very well because well who has time? but also because most good things make natalie throw up or have gas. I would bottle feed if she would take it. but she wont.

I love good days!

Another good day. Natalie slept for 9 hours last night! we all had naps, spent some time with my hubby, not too much fighting or complaining from my kids, and they went to bed without a fight..............the only sad thing is that the older two are sick abd feverish. but its made them sleepy and cuddly so as long as they get better, i have no complaints. ahhhh. i love good days.

a good day..

I have to make this post so anyone who still reads this will know... i do still have good days, i do still love my children and i am not a horrible mother all the time. I got a full nights rest last night so I am sure that counts for a lot of this. but today i have kept my cool for the intire duration of what turned out to be a 45 min full blown tantrum from mikelle, while getting all three kids into the car, delivering stuff to halley, picking up another child dropping off the two at school, getting my remaining two children back in the car, going to mandies to hang out, then picking up Lily, grace and her sister Alyvia and brought them all to my house to play and made choc chip cookies and watched a movie. and it has been good. not too stressful and actually pretty fun. now to have dinner with Jen and amy's families and call it a day!

it actually makes me angry....

I have tried for two hours to get Mikelle back to sleep. you see she fell asleep in the car on the way to take lily to school and I have to sign lily in and out. so I had to wake kelle up and take all three of my kids in. Even though she was only sleeping for 5 minutes she wont go back to sleep. not if I rock her, sing to her, read to her, let her cry it out. NOTHING. after two hours of trying I think it is safe to say she is NOT going back to sleep. but here is the catch. I have to leave in 20 minutes to go get lily, and mikelle will probobly fall asleep in the car on the way there because she has worn herself out after two hours of fighting off falling asleep. Two reasons I want her to take a nap are #1 that is the only way i can get some time to clean my house, eat lunch, read my scriptures, not be touched and screamed at constantly. #2 if she does not have a nap, or has a five minute nap she is a crying naughty mess ALL day. and needs to go to sleep right at the time I need to be making dinner, and I can't let her go to sleep that early or she will be up at 4am the next day. or sleep for two hours and wake up thinking she had a nap and is ready to not sleep for 6 more hours, that is not an option at 8pm. the type and amount of frustration this creates in me quickly turns to anger. and to that anger I have NO out let!

giult hormones and complaining.

I know I am a hormonal mess. As my friend Jen pointed out I have hormones up to my eye balls, and over flowing actually. But......
It is not good. not good at all. how do I control them so i dont complain all the time? if I am not complaining out laud I am in my head. and that is followed by guilt that I don't love or rather can't stand anything about my day. then I realize I am complaining about everything including taking care of my family and having thoughts that all I really want is to go away. FAR away from everyone who needs me. And then my family thinks and feels like it is their fault I am unhappy. and that makes me feel worse. I try. I try to love changing poopy diapers, breaking up fights and being puked on 24 hours a day. but it does not work. I read back in my blog, same thing with after kelle was born. I don't want my kids to grow up and think that I don't love them, that I never had time for them even though I was right there and that I could not stand them. but how will they avoid thinking that way if that is the way I act? It is a struggle to control my emotions/hormones and not just be bottling them up.
Someone told me you cry so much after you have a baby because thats how you get rid of the hormones. so cry a lot! they were teasing. but seriously............

W.O.R.S.T= wherry over riotouse stubbern toddlers

my kids are alive, and that is a major accomplishment for today. yes its only 1:00pm.

by 8:00 am devin was telling me they were on one.

9:00am I had fed them, spanked each of the older girls who refused to listen and stop fighting.

10:00am, lily had peed her pants, made a mess all over the couch and the baby with baby powder, right in front of me while my hands were full and I was telling her to stop, mikelle ad carefully dripped the contents of her sippy cup of milk all over the front of the tv, lily had dumped her cup of milk out on the floor after dipping her barbie in it, and then proclaiming it was bad.

11:00 am we were supposed to go to raging water but that privilege was taken away, kelle had one diarrhea diaper, and lily ripped the shade off the back kitchen door.

12:00pm I had washed one load of laundry, kelle sat on the potty because she wanted to for 10 min, then while I was changing the laundry she stood up and peed on the floor and pooped on it too. did I mention she has the runs? It was all over her and the floor and the potty and the wall because it was on her leg and she wiped it off, then wiped it on the wall. changed natalies outfit and put her back to sleep more times then I can count on one hand because her sisters would not leave her alone.

1:00om bathed kelle changed nat, lily peed her pants again, put nat to sleep AGAIN, kelle got into my make up and got mascara all over herself and the floor, shipped lily off with amy who brought me her carpet cleaner and put kelle to sleep.

Natalie Dawn Hall

I find it hard to write when I know that no one is reading. Or at least I think I know that. but i need to.

Natalie Dawn Hall was born on june 30th! Yay! I am not pregnant anymore! And I have the sweetest most beautiful baby. She is 8 hours old in this picture. Oh I just love her so dearly! She was 7 lbs 11oz, and 19 1/2 in long at birth.

The surgery went well. I hated it of corse but the most horrible part was about half as long as it was the other two times. Dr Robinson had her collegue helping her, Dr Cannon. That made it go quicker. One funny thing that helped me was that they chatted the whole time back and forth with each other liek they were having lunch together. about their kids and their collegues and so forth. It acutally helped me to have something else unrelated to what was going on to focus on. they are really good at what they do, so its like a piece of cake to them. It was comferting to me. I am sure it would have bothered some people. But I am greatful for it. Recovery is going, and that is about all I can say. It sucks. Its so hard for me to not be able to DO anything. but I can feel myself getting better. I can lay down on my side on my bed. that is a huge improvement. I could not do that for about 8 days after. I can also carry Natalie in her car seat. stairs are hard, well just going up. down is no problem. My feet have been really swollen till today. they have now started to go back down. So far nursing has been a breez. natalie latched on perfectly the first time. we had one rough day in the hospital because my milk had not come in and she was so hungry she could not sleep. but we used formula and she did fine with that too.
now we are home. Natalie is 11 days old. She just gets sweeter! Lily and Mikelle LOVE her. Lily is pretty tender with her, always wanting to hold her and when she crys she will tell her "its ok natalie, lily is here, don't cry." Mikelle Loves to hold her too. She wants to play with her so bad and she sings to her too. Kelle still has a hard time being soft. but it is not because she is being mean, its more that she does not know her own strength. I thought Mikelle would be jelouse, but she is not.

Motherhood of three is difficult to say the least. I am sure i will find my rut some day. but not till i learn and grow a bit more in the multi-tasking department. So far Devin has been home on PTO since she was born. He goes back to work on monday though and that will be an adjustment. I am scared. we will see what happens, I am sure my day will be full of all kinds of exciting things, most of witch invalving messes. I had hoped to get the house clean befor then, but it looks like that will not happen.

well that is my post. thats not what I had planned on it sounding like. but that is what came out. I am drained, can't really think stright. maybe in a few weeks I will return and try again.

If I hear it again I might explode!

If I hear how huge I am, how big my belly is, that it has droped, and I am going to have her early, asked if I am having twins, am told I look miserable, or horrible, or that I should just keepi telling my self i look great, or how bout this one, "we could just roll you down the street", or any other of the stupid, inconsiderate, mean things people think they can say because they notice I am pregnant, I might do one of two things....either punch the person in the face, or do something really strange like, intentionally pee my pants, fake that i am in labor and request that they check my cervix for me. I am tired of being stared at every where I go. and its not just by people who don't know me. but that is bugging me too. Hey world! HAve you ever seen a pregnant lady befor? Of been taught that staring is rude? or that making comments about peoples size and weight is rude? no? well it is. and it is likely to get you a smack between the eyes from me. Here is the deal. I am not due for THREE more weeks. If I were waiting to go into spontaneous labor I could have 5 weeks left, so I would get bigger. big deal! I am actually smaller this time then the other two. No my belly has not droped. the ligaments in the wall of my abdomin are permanently stretched out. ruined, shot, what ever you want to call it. My baby is getting bigger, and there is nothing there to do the job of holding her up. so my belly sags. and sags more each day as she gets bigger. The "droping" that everyone thinks has happened has not. she is head down but not engaged. So here is my question. Why is it that people think because its a baby in there, they can say, in a tone of shock, "oh my gosh you are huge!" ? and that is soposed to not make me feel bad? I feel like saying "oh I didn't tell you I was pregnant?", or "oh my gosh so are you! you must have put on 50 pounds since I saw you last!" Well thats my vent.

So I am not sure anyone is reading this anymore. but what ever.
It turns out i know the secrets to the fire swamp....er I mean I know the secret to a perfect after noon.
1. don't ever get dressed. throw on a loose dress inside out with out and stay that way.
2. get lunch from the drive thru while still dressed in an inside out dress.
3. go home and let the kids make as big a mess as possible, put the two year old down for a nap when she is so tired she can't fight it.
4.trick the 4 year old into a nap my snuggling in your bed while telling stories, but only tell one story that goes on and on about nothing, in a really soft voice. when she complains about not wanting to take a nap just tell her she does not have to. she just has to listen to the story. slowly make the pauses in between the words longer and longer. HA! tricked her into falling asleep.
5. Fall asleep with her.
6.wake up hot, sweaty and thirsty.
7. take 15 min to get out of the bed so you don't wake the 4 year old.
8.get a drink.
9. take a cool shower.
10. drip dry under the fan, put inside out dress back on, and eat a popsicles in the silence.
Ahhhhhh! feels good.

pregnancy blah blah alah

I am not sure if I am being a big baby, a worry wart or what. here is the story. last friday I went to the park with a friend and the kids. kelle likes to run aroud free. Normally she will stay on the side walk, but will run way to far away for me to catch up to her fast. and the second i even head her direction she will book it even faster. she was just running on the grass one minute, I had my eye on her, as I am watching she is running towards the side walk, she passes the side walk and crosses it, gets to the street and does not stop running. So I have no other choice then to RUN after her. in hind sight, there were no cars coming, so she woul dhave been fine, but she was also nearing half a foot ball field away from me and towards a parking lot. so I ran after her as fast as I could......turns out that was not a good idea for my body. when i caugth up to her and stoped, it was not good. hope its not too graphic for anyone, but it felt like my pubic bone was going to fall out of my crotch. my belly hurt and I was really winded. my friend caught up to me and made the comment that there were no cars coming and running like that would make the next four weeks (thats about how many i have left) go by alot faster. well now it is wednesday, that was friday and I have been having 3-5 contractions a day. not the ones where all that happens is your belly gets hard. but the ones where I have to stop what I am doing, concentrate on relaxing, my belly hurts, gets square shaped and hard as a rock. Saw the Dr today and she said she is not concerned about it because they are not regular, I have no other signs of labor, ie blood, fluid, increased blodd pressure...etc, and they stop if I stop what i am doing relaxe, and put my feet up. if I have more then 5 in an hour then she would be concerned. so.....here is my question. How do you wash clothes clean a house, prepare food, discipline, chase, hold, dress, change a child, without getting up? the answere is, you don't. so I get to try to pick and choose when I am ok with having a contraction. Is this tempertantrum really that important that I pick up the two year old knowing that I will have a contraction? or should I let her sit here in the heat while we all suffer, waiting for it to finish? This is really strange to me. you see I never had a contraction that I felt befor. I could feel my belly was tight, but it was nothign that stoped me from any activities. So I don't know if i am being overly concerned or not. baby is still moving all around. and sometimes I think that even causes the contractions. her heart rate was perfect today. measuring right on the big side. no suprise. the other two were almost 9lbs and almost 8lbs. everything looks great. but I will be honest. I hate the contractions. really annoying that they interupt my life, are pointless because I am having a c section any way, and they don't feel good. I can't wait to have my body to my self. even if its only when I am in the shower that no one else is touching or moving it. CAN'T WAIT!

Words

please don't comment on this one. I just need to say it. ever have something so important to say and you just can't make the words come out? oh its torture. even if you don't say it, the thoughts are still in your head. but once you say something you can't un-say it and you can never truly know how it will be recieved or how it will effect you once you have said it. Words are so powerful!

pregnancy question...

So now I am 32 weeks! Yay! any way I have been feeling regular movement for a long time. My question is, I have never felt her move on the left side. Ever. With my other two girls they were ALL OVER the place. But this babies movement does not cross an invisible line. the line is where my bely button is. I don't ever even feel the large parts over there, like a back or anything. pushing on the left side with my hand I can't feel her from the out side either. but I can on the right side just by placing my hand there. and when she moves away from my hand she moves down, not to the left. Is there something blocking her? will her head be mishaped from being in one position for 9 months? also I worry that since she is on the right side all the time and since that is the side i sleep on most so my good ear is up and I can hear the girls, am I making it worse? When i do lay on my left side it feels like my belly is sagging but not quite resting on the bed. when i am on my right side it feels supported by the bed. Any who. I am going to ask my Dr on monday but, I was just wondering if anyone knew anything about that.

Things that take me back....

Fresh strawberries
Candle or karosene light
Reading my journal
My feet in a running stream
Picking wild flowers
Rubarb
Reading to my kids at bed time
The smell of damp soil

What things take you back to your childhood or any other time in your life?

spontaneous trip to St Gearge UT

I always forget that it posts them backwords. Dev and the girls on the rocks at Pioneer park.


Devin and Lily saw a Lizard, its in teh picture but you can;t see it cause it was so fast. he said it was 6-8 inches long! pretty cool.
Mikelle must have a fear of hights and things bogger then her because even on level ground she would cry " I am going to fall!" and made us carry her. or " The rocks are so very big and heavy!" she did not like it.
see how she is clutching my neck. poor baby, I sort of feel bad about forcing her to go, but not really. It was beautiful!
Lily LOVED it. this is actually our second visit to the rocks this trip. Only lily and I made it the forst time because mikelle was asleep in the car. in the above pic she is crying "I'm going to fall!" we are a good 50 feet from the edge, witch was only a step down.
Visit to the St George Temple. Holy Cow its bright. its practicly glowing. I could not look at it for more then a second. like looking right at the sun.

My fav of Lily.
Me and Lily
Devins fav of lily
Mikelle looking at the temple, contemplating the meaning of life.

kelle got stuck at the tup of the stairs. I don't know where this fear of heights has come from. and its new she was not like this befor.
I guess we have all forgotten the fun that is watching the water run out of your diaper when you get out of the pool. she would get in,then out, then bend over to watch, over and over and over. Helarious!

Lily strikes a pose!

and again
My fav or Kelle.
I love her legs. I just want to eat them. Thats chunk for my girls. I squeez then all the time.

befor we left Lily got into the band aids and used ALL of the pretty ones all up her leg. and on her face. she would not let me take them off so I left them on, most came off after playing int he pool two times and having two baths. and the ones that are left i don't have the heart to tear off if they did not come off after that. they are goona hurt!
me and my pretty Kelle. its so not fair that her hair does that pretty curly thing naturally.
and....ahhhhhh yeah. the tub! big enough for me to float in. a pregnant ladys dream come true!

well I had never been to St George. I know weird, but I have actually been to very few places in Utah. Pretty much if its outside of the salt Lake Valley, I have not been there. Devin took friday off of work. Friday morning when still in bed I had the idea to go to St George. so to make a long story short, we Cleaned the house, packed the car and went. But not till we called almost everyone we know trying to get them to go with us. and when everyone said no or did not answere we left.



Lily slept most of the way there and kelle played with her feet and read books. it was nice.

food

you know what my problem is? I just want to eat the food. having to cook it kinda takes all the goodness out of it. I even look for meal ideas on line, and then I want to eat the food. but I have to cook it first. So then it sucks. I dread making menus and a list every two weeks because of my hatred for having to cook the food and just wanting to eat it. well that mixed with the fact that i make menus and then when it comes down to it, it turns out I don't want any of the meal options I have in my house. or i use all the really good easy and fast ones in the first week and by the 2nd week I am dreading haveing to cook, and dreading having to eat something that i don't really want. If I had a personal chef, i would eat so healthy. I love healthy food. I just hate to cook it. so I guess what i am saying is I am lazy when it comes to food. yup! thats me. thats why i eat so much crap too. if I had a garden the size of my property (that someone else grew), thatI could go pick from when ever I wanted, that would be bliss. I know this because i had that as a kid and it was awesome! well I did have to work in the garden, but I did not have to parent two kids or anything else. I was spoiled. its true!

Ranting.

posting this because it bugged me and I don't want to argue with a perfect stranger.
about ear infections, I told someone about my experience with taking kelle to the chiropractors. this person had posted on facebook that their child was getting them. one of her other friends who I do not know actually said in response to my comment."Chiropractic only gets rid of the symptoms." not true, thats what tylenol does. and "there is something structurally wrong, and chiropractic manipulation will not change that." Also NOT true. this is my blog and I can say what i want. I don't want an argument. so if you disagree, I am just going to say you can keep your comments to yourself. but How do antibiotics or tubes fix the structure in your ear drum but chiropractic manipulation does not? that makes NO sence. popping the ear with chiropractic manipulation, creates space in the inner ear so it can drain itself, and clean out what ever may be in there.
having said that. I really don't care if you chose to get tubes for your kid. great! do what ever you feel is best for your child. I just like to let people know there are other options out there. I guess I am in a defensive mood.

my quirks

Sometimes I don't want to communicate. sometimes, i just want to be left alone because I want to be. Sometimes I withdraw and pull back. sometimes I only want to talk to or see pepole on my terms. And some times I am so tired of being needed i shirk all responsibility and be selfish. and oh wow, I just realized something from that last sentance, as I was typing it. too personal to share. but weird how that happend.

one song....

there is one song I cannot listen to without tearing up. it is most beautiful. Dixie chicks, God speed, (sweet dreams). Almost a luliby, but so tragic at the same time. so much emotion in the lyrics. I suggest you look it up, and give it a listen.

January happenings of the Halls

a post because I really want to play dr mario but I don't have it on my machine and devin is using his. So I guess I will write aboutthe things I have been meaning to write about.


A funny story about the girls....
We were at grandmas (donna). Lily, Mikelle and I, were leaving. We walk out the door and the girls take off down the steet side by side instead of going to the car. Four doors down one of thier cusins and three or four other kids (tongan boys) were playing outside. that is where they were headed. So when i catch up this is what I hear. lily "hey you guys stop that!" in her most commanding voice with both hands on her hips, with every bit of attitude you can picture. then Mikelle "yeah, stop that!" or something like that, ready to back up her big sis if any body decides to get crazy! so i say "hey lily what are you talking about whats going on?". and the oldest boy says "yeah what are you talking about?". she just looks right at him and says "I don't know." mind you she ran up to them, and said all this without any provocation. they had not said a word to either of my girls. so when she said she did not know the boys all started laughing. So did I. I know, my kids about to get her butt kicked by a bunch of poly kids and I am laughing. befor you judge me, picture it and you wwould laugh too. these kids are big for their age, my girls are small for their age and they run up to them and start causing trouble. so when they laughed she says "oh yeah, you want me to show you something funny?", and Kelle says "you want to see funny?' they then turn around and Run home. oh my gosh I laughed my butt off all the way home. The ting is, Lilys a little girl, but she could probobly hold her own against them at least. but it would not suprise me if she kicked some trash. she can be mean. Figures Devin and I would have a fighter. neother of us ever got in a fight with anyone other then our siblings. I wish you all could have seen it. I am still laughing.
I am 17 weeks. have felt the baby move a few times. I deffinetly have a baby belly but I am happy to report that as of my appointment last week I have not gained any weight. now thats not my doing. thats just because i had more then enough to feed a growing baby, when I started. so I mught not gain 60 lbs. that sounds nice, but I still don't think I will gain no weight. I would bet like 20-30. witch is normal. the Dr said if i keep eating healthy and gettign exersize, I could gain 0-15 and still be great. so we shall see. I am not craving chocolate. infact i don;t want it. I want fresh tomatoes and other out of season freash goodness.
Devin did not take the job he interviewd for even though in many ways it seemed perfect. but after really thinking and praying alot about it, he just felt like it was not the right carreer move for him. did not know why. but could not deny the feeling. that was over a weekend that he was really thinking about it and praying, and decided to follow his feeling. when he went back to work the next week it was confirmed to him he made the right choice and that he needed the interview to see that he is not stuck where he's at and is happy. I am SO glad he followed his feeling. I need to trust him more often. If he had done what I said he would have taken it and made the wrong move. So proud of you Devin!
well thats all. now you know whats been goin on over here.

Side effects of pregnancy.

a warning from your local pregnant mother. side effects of pregnancy. If you experiance these side effects, you need to see a Dr. you might be pregant.
Common side effects include, but are not limited to........
nausia, vomiting, loss of apitite, increased apitite, heart burn, indigestion, constipation, diarria, loss of bladder control, hemeriods, dehydration, muscle aches, sore breasts, swelling, weight gain, stretch marks, mood swings, irritability, depression, obsesive compulsive or bipolar behavior, extreem fatigue, insomnia, head aches.


p.s this was meant to be funny, in a dead seriouse sort of way.

So lets hear it. what did I leave out all you people out there who have ever been or ever known someone who has been, pregnant?

15 weeks.

SO SICK OF FEELING THIS WAY!!!head ache, nausia, hunger, nausia, heart burn head ache. tired, can't sleep, head ache, hunger, nausia, heart burn. 15 weeks, shoul dbe getting better. only getting worse and adding more sucky symptoms to teh pot. Yay!

the reasons I wish i was rich....

I want someone else to plan shop and cook healthy meals for me. and the endless resources to pay for good fresh foods.
I want someone else to handle my budget, just give me my spending money and I will stay within that. (if I had enough to by nice towels when i wanted new ones, or new sheets that would be rich.
What things can't you bring your self to buy, that would make you feel rich if you did?

An explanation for my previouse post.

oh I can't say for sure what hapeend. Last night was just a bad night. I just felt like all of that. Not because of any thing. I have wanted the sun latly, and missed it. thats true. I really want to go out side and run really fast, and hard no matter how much it hurts my body...I can't. and at the same time I have NO energy to even go walk. I am craving some good, tough, aggressive physical activity. Like running or boxing. um yeah wont be doing either for a really long time. I don't do well on little sleep, I am sure that also has alot to do with it. my sciatic nerve kills me everytime I lay down to sleep, and I end up not sleeping. witch turns me into a mommy with the patience of a three year old. three year olds don't handle that well. I want my kids to listen. maybe not the first time, I realize thats a lot to ask of two and three year olds. but maybe like the 10th time, is that too much to ask? yes! It also feels like everything is lose inside of me. so even just turning and bending does weird things to me. I want to put in my head phones and turn up my music so laud that I can't hear myself sing, and then be left alone to zone out. I want to climb a mountian SO high. I want to be able to eat anything. I am so tired of having to force down something because I have to eat, when there is really only one thing in the world I want and i don't have it. 2nd trimester should get better. it didn't. it got worse. so in short....probobly hormones.

if this makes any sence to you, you have felt this way befor and I am sorry.

discouraged, disgruntled, annoyed, irritated, frustrated, aggressive, negative, unsatisfied, tired.
Run, scream, push slam.
laud, fast, high, heavy.

indecisive.
larthargic.

Tonight.

picture overload. its been far too long! month of december.

lily loves to help. making cookies for family night.
we both look scroungy, but I was super sick that day, I love this picture because you can see her real smile. a rarity in pictures. and the pink dress up she has on over her clothes, is her "cinderella", it is filthy because she wont take it off long enough to wash it and it has to line dry. when she wears it if you ask her her name she will tell you cinderella and don't try to convince her other wise.

Kelle and her ponies. She also thinks she is a pony. when you say "hello pony" to her she neighs, and it is freakishly realistic, she even flares her nostrils.

reading books after bath.

making cookies for Family night. kelle is smiling you can't see cause she is smile at me.

my pretty ballerina

Auston, Lily, Kelle and Jax.
some favorite cusins

kelle on the horse, she had fun too, but she is a very seriouse kid so you can't really tell.

Lily on the horse at the childrens museum. she said "yeehaw" when she tiped her hat.it was so cute!

in the water.

cutest two year olds ever!

she is making a silly face, but I think she looks so grown up.

Who is this big kid? sitting there watching a movie with her pop corn and drink? oh thats my baby!

Check out this cute apron!

check out my cute talented cusins! awesome girls! they make the cutest bows too!


http://never-e-nuff.blogspot.com/2010/01/minnie-mouse-apron.html