Today I feel so discuraged. my only hope is that tomorrow is better. At least I am discuraged about my own lacking then my kids or something I cannot control. I just feel like once in a great while I do something really right and the rest of the time I do everything wrong or can't do it the way I want to. like making bread. I did it and it could have been great...but it was not. I over did it. I also managed to over cook cookies made from frozen cookie dough. I was on top of the laundry, I had a system down for like a week, then I got sick and now I can't get it the way I want it again and I don't know why. and my parenting. I think nothing induces guilt like parenting. I wonder if it is that way with everyone or just me. I feel really bad that I spank my kids. not because I think they should get away with inapropriate behavior, but because if I take the time and carefuly navigate the tantrums without spanking it is so much better, but I get overwhelmed, caught up in the chaos, upset, at a loss of what to do and I feel so bad. I remember very clearly the thoughts and feelings I had towards my parents when i was spanked. they were deffinatly not loving, and I did not feel they loved me then either. I don't want to be like them. I will be the first to say that it made me afraid, but did not teach me logic.