random poems I wrote 5 years ago.

March 2003 (I just found this on an old pay stub of mine dated 03-28-2003, I use to write a lot of poetry, I would have to write it down as soon as it came to me or it would be lost. then I would put that papaer some place to be filed later and lose it. thats all the explanation there is for this. I have no idea what its about spacificly.)

Pain behind the eyes, a smile I fake.
Hiding behind a mask I make.
Holding back from letting go.
Hidding Pain and you don't know.

April 2003

Silent prayer like falling snow
settles in a waiting heart.

All is still , "Conform thy will, to God the Father and His Son."

This one was on a letter to a dear friend on his mission, whom I have since lost contact and connection with. I was trying to go on my mission and really working hard to be in tune with the spirit of God, and have faith that the things that were happening were for a purpose. that was a time in my life that it seemed like everytime I took one step forward, it was two steps back.

Things I love and or make me happy!

1. when lily randomly kisses me and says..I got you!
2. How mikelle sings her self to sleep by repeating the same note over and over again.
3. when Devin teases me.
4. the kindness of a perfect stranger the other day at the bread store.
5. The People who answered my prayer. (you know who you are.)
6. strangers who seem not the type but who quickly humble me with thier kindness and humility.I know thats almost the same as 4. but its not. It seems to happen to me a lot. I will be some place and the tired, old, often dirty and homeless person will help me lift, bend, or find things, and not accept anything in return. I love those people!
7. summer nights after the sun has set but its still light out side and its cool enough that I actaully injoy being outside.
8. cold seedless watermelon.
9. real mail. not adds but a real letter.
10. going to the temple.

wednesday.....

This is part of a conversation with Devin on messanger, but after reading it I felt like it was very discriptive of how I feel today. and I don't have much else to talk about.
"just so you know, because if i have to deal with it you have to listen. or something like that. i am so tired, i feel like i just had a baby, my head hurts, i am fighting off the urge to be totally pist off because of it, at everyone. did i mention my head hurts? lily must feel the same as me because she is tearing the house apart, and throwing a fit, pretty much non stop. also i am covered in throw up and all its puky glory. mikelle has puked A TON today for some reason, and she is so fussy. well she actually just fell asleep. but wont let me put her down. so i have not even cleaned the last throw up mess off of me because she fell asleep and I don't want to wake her up. Yup, thats right I am letting it dry on my arm. and The house looks like a tornato hit,BUT...................even after all that. I am so thankful to have our girls and be their mom."

All things Hall

well, we have been keepin busy. Lil just turned 2! she seems so big to us, but everyone else thinks she is small. Well size wise she is. but she is so big in many other areas! She is nicer to her sister now. witch is good. she loves for kelle to sit on her tummy and play.
Kelle is rolling and almost sitting, she needs just a little assistance. She is 5 months. She loves to laugh at lily. Only her sister can make her laugh so hard. It is adorable.
Devin is plugging away at work. then comes home and plays with the girls. they sure love thier daddy.
we just had a small birthday party for lily. played in the pool and sugared the kids up. It was fun. I had fun too! I was worried that I would not be able to have fun with lily on at her party but we had a good time. I have not been doing much other then mommy jobs. I have found that lily does SO much better if I forget the house work and church work, yard work, laundry etc...and focus strictly on giving her and mikelle my attention. she is so much better behaved. If I try to get her playing by herself and then try to get that stuff done, she is mean to the baby, and in general acts out way more. so I have been spending all my time playing with blocks, reading books, and playing dress up, having tummy time and dancing with my girls. I LOVE TO DANCE WITH LILY! we turn on the radio and we get movin. It's great fun! I would post picutres or video but if she see's the camera she stops and wants to hold it,and I don't think you all want to see me dancing, or more importantly I don't want you all to see me dancing. Its all baby moves, stompin feet, clapping hands, twisting my waist and then shaking my booty. you would have a good laugh. but sorry not gonna happen. during this last general confrence elder ballard said something that has really stayed at the forefront of my mind..." I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life." he later went on to quote another auther who wrote about that very thing...she said "I wish i had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing...i wish i had treasured the doing i little more and the getting it done a little less."( anna quindlen) so that is what i have been trying to do.