It is good to not be pregnant any more. i can eat drink, snuggle up to devin and even reach the sink! go me! I admit i don't remember getting this little sleep at night with lily. granted that does not mean it did not happen.
i am holding mikelle right now, she is so precious!i love my family! I have to admit, well i don't have to, but i will because it stood out to me as something i did not expect. and that is, with all the joy (no pun intended) with mikelles birth and the many other emotions that accompny it. one is almost grief. like loss. that loss is the way it was with just us and lily jane. Not that I wish in any way not to have both my girls, and more in a few years. but the way it was and the fact that the relationship we had as a family now does not exist. it includes another person. its like when your little and your best friend gets another best friend and wants the three of you to be best friends but you don't want to share....sort of. that is the best i can do to discribe it. I feel sad for lily jane because her whole world was turned upside down, and she does not understand it. It actually makes me cry for her. i guess thats mostly hormones. and its probobly a good thing she is young enough she will never remember the way it was.
speaking of hormones mikelle has the same menstrating like stuff as lily did. only more! I talked to the dr. about it and showed her, and she was surprised. she said its common, like probobly one in 20 girl babies do that. but she has never seen siblings both have it. she said i must be a really hormonal woman. well, that would be a major understatement. and it has never been more apparent to me then after i had a baby. The good news is, she's fine. its normal, and it will go away. still it is so strange to have your 6 day old little girl menstrating.
Devin is so good to me! he handles my emotionalness and all my crying so well. and trust me there is alot of it. I love him SO much. While I was in the hospital I was so lonely for him. I wanted to fall asleep talking to him on the phone like when we were dating. We were talking on the phone one night and I needed to go to sleep. we both found it funny that we were stalling hanging up the phone even though we had nothing really to talk about. He really is my favorit person. I would call him my best friend, but most of my married readers would probobly agree that best friend does not cut it. A spouse is greater then a best friend. Even when you get in fights you could not be happy without that person. And friends come and go, yet we still find happiness when a freind moves on. Thats how I feel any way. I wish everyone had that kind of a marriage, but sadly, I know they don't.
last night I was nursing Mikelle on the couch and lily was watching a movie. when i put Mikelle down lily climbed right into my lap and snuggled up. That is how she fell asleep. It was SO nice! How is it possible to love more then one person so much? I don't understand it. But I do, love both of my girls SO much! Lily is getting so big. she is so smart. And so funny too! What a charictor! And I can't wait to see what Mikelle is like. Right now she is really snuggly. I love to snuggle them both. I feel so blessed when we all snuggle. Like I have the world. I think I do!
3 comments:
I love the honesty in your blogs. I understand the sense of loss in how the dynamics in your family are now totally different and always will be. It is important to treasure the now because these things are not static.
Tali, you post made me cry. I am already anticipating those feelings with adopting another child; right now it sort of seems like there will be "our family" plus a new baby, like they will be two separate things, not just all "our family" does that make sense?
Lily will love having a sister, eventually. Katey and I were best buds until she hit puberty, yadda yadda, now we get along great again, and I feel lucky to have her for an older sister.
And I totally agree with your thoughts about spouses. The other night Todd and I were up until almost 3:00 just laying in bed talking (unfortunately that's the night that Oliver picked to wake up puking at 3:30.) We are very lucky to have the men in our lives that we do.
i totally know what you mean about talking to your spouse late at night.. i just hate when we stay up late and then the boys wake up early!! I remember thinking it would be weird to have another baby in our family but now that Theo has been here a whole year i cant really remember before he was here! I am actually more worried for number three becuase then we are outnumbered and someone will have to fend for themselves. Right now its gret because at night cory dows porters whole bedtime stories and all and gets him to sleep and i do Theo. When the new one gets here one of the kids wont get that one on one time anymore and that makes me feel bad for them!
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