15 weeks.

SO SICK OF FEELING THIS WAY!!!head ache, nausia, hunger, nausia, heart burn head ache. tired, can't sleep, head ache, hunger, nausia, heart burn. 15 weeks, shoul dbe getting better. only getting worse and adding more sucky symptoms to teh pot. Yay!

the reasons I wish i was rich....

I want someone else to plan shop and cook healthy meals for me. and the endless resources to pay for good fresh foods.
I want someone else to handle my budget, just give me my spending money and I will stay within that. (if I had enough to by nice towels when i wanted new ones, or new sheets that would be rich.
What things can't you bring your self to buy, that would make you feel rich if you did?

An explanation for my previouse post.

oh I can't say for sure what hapeend. Last night was just a bad night. I just felt like all of that. Not because of any thing. I have wanted the sun latly, and missed it. thats true. I really want to go out side and run really fast, and hard no matter how much it hurts my body...I can't. and at the same time I have NO energy to even go walk. I am craving some good, tough, aggressive physical activity. Like running or boxing. um yeah wont be doing either for a really long time. I don't do well on little sleep, I am sure that also has alot to do with it. my sciatic nerve kills me everytime I lay down to sleep, and I end up not sleeping. witch turns me into a mommy with the patience of a three year old. three year olds don't handle that well. I want my kids to listen. maybe not the first time, I realize thats a lot to ask of two and three year olds. but maybe like the 10th time, is that too much to ask? yes! It also feels like everything is lose inside of me. so even just turning and bending does weird things to me. I want to put in my head phones and turn up my music so laud that I can't hear myself sing, and then be left alone to zone out. I want to climb a mountian SO high. I want to be able to eat anything. I am so tired of having to force down something because I have to eat, when there is really only one thing in the world I want and i don't have it. 2nd trimester should get better. it didn't. it got worse. so in short....probobly hormones.

if this makes any sence to you, you have felt this way befor and I am sorry.

discouraged, disgruntled, annoyed, irritated, frustrated, aggressive, negative, unsatisfied, tired.
Run, scream, push slam.
laud, fast, high, heavy.

indecisive.
larthargic.

Tonight.

picture overload. its been far too long! month of december.

lily loves to help. making cookies for family night.
we both look scroungy, but I was super sick that day, I love this picture because you can see her real smile. a rarity in pictures. and the pink dress up she has on over her clothes, is her "cinderella", it is filthy because she wont take it off long enough to wash it and it has to line dry. when she wears it if you ask her her name she will tell you cinderella and don't try to convince her other wise.

Kelle and her ponies. She also thinks she is a pony. when you say "hello pony" to her she neighs, and it is freakishly realistic, she even flares her nostrils.

reading books after bath.

making cookies for Family night. kelle is smiling you can't see cause she is smile at me.

my pretty ballerina

Auston, Lily, Kelle and Jax.
some favorite cusins

kelle on the horse, she had fun too, but she is a very seriouse kid so you can't really tell.

Lily on the horse at the childrens museum. she said "yeehaw" when she tiped her hat.it was so cute!

in the water.

cutest two year olds ever!

she is making a silly face, but I think she looks so grown up.

Who is this big kid? sitting there watching a movie with her pop corn and drink? oh thats my baby!

Check out this cute apron!

check out my cute talented cusins! awesome girls! they make the cutest bows too!


http://never-e-nuff.blogspot.com/2010/01/minnie-mouse-apron.html

Goals

I often go thourgh a post in my mind for this blog and then I have zero desire to write it. but I will write this one. the year is coming to an end. alot of people are super excited for 2010. I am for the things that are going to happen, but at the same time I am left wondering, why do we make such a fuss about the new year? it is as if we believe that something magical happens when the numbers change in the year. and I only half subscribe to the resolution thing because I really feel like we should be continually reviewing, re-evaluating, and refreshing our purpose, our goals, direction and progress. So then why do we make such a big deal of it on January 1st and not July 1st? well, I know the answere, its because of tradition. so I guess thats a stupid question. But I invite you all to have regular periods of evaluation and planning.
Even so, as I write the above paragragh. I have goals I want to share, that I plan on working towards in the next 12 months.
but first I am actually really happy to report that some of the ones from last year have actually been achieved.
they were:
1: learn and practice patience. still learning it......

2:study the life of Jesus Christ. I have studied, and I have injoyed it when i did.

3:get regular physical activity. i was better about that in the last 12 months then i have been ever. but not perfect. I did work hard most of the year on that. till about august.

4:get out of the house and do things with the kids. we went on vacation, and we did get out but no where near as much as we needed to. I still really need to work on that.

5:make a few new close girl friends. I did it! well I made one and I love her! my friend Jen is the perfect match for me, I am still learning about how to have a friend who is not a sister of mine, but she is patient with me. love you Jen! I had to go to girls camp to find her. and I am so glad I did. she was the first person I saw as I steped out of the van, and she would not let me past till she knew my name. and its been non stop fun ever since with her. Also I have become even closer with a few of my sissy friends too. I love them all!

6: become a do-er. this one......fail. I have to say I am at the same point now, that i was when I set that goal. but....there have been moments of success, fleeting as they may be i must give them due credit. like the 10 days i worked out in the front yard everyday. and, and and....ok thats all I can think of. but there were more.

ok so what am i going to work on next?

1: doing more with my kids. getting out and teaching wise.

2: save money. even of its a doller a week I want to start to save.

3: have a healthy pregnancy, eat well, exersice and sleep. lots of sleep.

4: take monthly pictures of our family, not as a family neccisarily, but have everyone documented on a monthly basis.

5: finish the Book of Mormon.

looking forward to mikelle turning two,
lily turning 4,
having my third baby,
celebrating 5 years of marriage with my hubby,
lots of fun times,
and many things that are yet to come that I am not aware of.
and praying for the strength to endure the difficult times.
bring on 2010!