thank you all for the well wishes! I am on the mend.

no I don't think i have the swime flu or H1N1 if you will (those poor little piggys). Although i guess I could have and its not as bad as most people are making it out to be. I have had influenza once befor where I went to the hospital, when i was pg with lily. That felt like death, this even at its worst moments was no where near as bad. I am sure I have the flu. but I am getting better very quickly and I think it is because I know how to tale care of myself. I think with the way I have felt today, if it continues liker this I will be fine by sunday and I will give it one more day, just to be sure, and so i can clean my house up, and get all the laundry done. I would have gone to the Dr's too. well I did and he did not show up so they sent me home. I know. weird huh? Has anyone ever had their Dr. not show up to work and be unreachable by the clinic? I sure have not, till today. I could tell i was getting better so I did not try to reschedual the app. but it was a big job getting me and my girls to teh clinic first thing this morning, by my self, sick. I should ahve told them I require 24 hour cancelation notice, or a $25.00 fee per patient, considering I actually had 3 appointments in a row for me and each of my girls. I could use that 75 bucks, for sure! but it was not the receptionists fault, although i would think they would call me to tell me, but I just thanked her and tryed to leave calmly. Lily made that very difficult because she was yelling at me and crying "I want to see the Dr.!" mama, you told me, we see the Dr!" she has a really hard time if i donlt tell her what we are doing, and if i do tell her and it changes she gets really upset. poor girl. I see her growing up to have the same struggle I do when things change that are out of her control. I hate that. it is unsettling to me too. any who. thats it. laters!

Sily Lily!

we are sitting at the table eating dinner and Lily decides she wants to sing....At the top of her lungs. it was cute so I let it go one for a few seconds. then that was not good enough. she had to have Daddy sing with her. only problem was she was making up the song herself. It said something about daddy mommy lily kelle, and a few leters in there too, and then she has this little fake cat that you put in water and it grows, and she mentioned that too. Needless to say Devin was not able to get the words right let alone her tune that she was making up. but it was really funny. So a few minutes later I had to get her to stop screaming, I mean singing her head off, so this is how it went....

Mommy: "I will tell you a story if you stop singing.
Once upon a time, in a land far away there was a little girl. She was SO cute..... and she.....what did she do lily?"
Lily: "a child of God teach to pray all day."
Mommy; "awesome! ok."
It was so cute. there was no relevence what so ever, but she said it without a bit of hesitation. like that was the answere. It was so funny.

She also has been putting "all day" on teh end of what ever it is she is talking about. like..."good morning mommy, I wake up ALL day!" (yesterday when she woke up from her nap.)

lets see, what is on my mind.

I have had NO desire to blog. and even now it feels forced. But i want to have desire to do it. I always feels better when i write my feelings. I think part of the reason I don't want to write is because no one ever comments but a few people in my family who I should talk to aout this stuff, so then i would not need a blog. Devin Deleted his for that reason, and I toy with the idea myself. but there arethings on this blog I want to keep so I don't delete it. The thing is thats how I live my life. holding onto crap that I want to keep just incase i want to read that talk later or I might need that piece of papy for something, sometime. but I never do, and it just clutters my house and makes me want to go in another room that is more organised and not full of crap. I really wish I could be one of those people who has nothing laying out, in piles or stored in the junk draw, junk box etc. I feel so happy and clean and like I can move with ease in houses like that. I am too lazy to do that and I know I would not be able to keep it up, so it wouldlast for a week at most and then die. like my blog.
I really miss the sun! Sun sun Mr golden sun, please shine down on me, and everyone else in my house. we need lots of days with sun and time to play outside, but we also need a better out door play area. I think when it gets warm we are going to start taking hikes in the wild and go exploring. I am hust not sure where we can do that. I hate that Lily loves TV so much. but I don't know how to play outside in the city. I need trees to climb and hills and growth to "get lost in" and build my own little house (a blanket under a bush with my doll and some food from the garden). I need streams and caves and mud, you know the great out doors. I am sure it exists. just no where I go. and I don't mean a park. NOT the same. City dirt is so much dirtier then country dirt. I really want lily to love the out doors and know how to play safe in it. Any one know a good free out doors place to explore. I miss the trails in Burnaby Canada. I wish we could go there.
I also Miss British Columbia So bad!

a poem for today.

It has been a while.
I am sick of the cold.
I am sick of the sick-ness.
Bed time battles bothering me.
Fellings...are frustation.

2008

so I have seen a few people review their year on their blog and have decided I should do it some where so why not here.
2008 was started with my brand new kitchen just in time for the birth of mikelle. I can hardly believe she is 1. (well she will be next week) While we were so greatful she finaly was here, I was recovering from the C section, that was rough.
then I had my gal bladder removed...now that was not as nice as the c section because i did not get a cute little lovable baby in return. I was greatful how ever to never have to have that pain again. (knock on wood, and cross my fingers I never get kidney stones.)
next we celebrated lily's 2nd birthday! she is growing so fast! I hardly remember her as a baby any more. corse all I have to do is look at mikelle to remind me. they look so much alike I have a hard time tellingthem apart in pictures when lily was mikelle's age.
The girls and I spent the bulk of our summer at raging waters. I kept my kids laterd up with sun screen enough that neither one got a sun burn! me on the other hand, thats a different story.
we went to see the Brimms and went to lava hot springs for our family vacation, short as it was, we had a lot of fun.
I turned 27. I feel old. no just tired.
mikelle crawled for about two seconds ok maybe a month and then was walking by 9 months, and lily proved to us that she is fearless by going on the zip line at Daytons house. The girls and I tryed to spend lots of time out doors in the yeard as it cooled off from summer. after that its al a blur. the fall was way to short.
so I look back on 2008 and I feel kind of crapy. I did not accomplish a lot of the things I set out to. oh ! but I did make bread twice. and I set a goal to make bread. so thats got to count for something. seriously I meant to go to the temple and study the scriptures. do a mom and tot exersize class, and a whole list of things I did not do so I am will not list.
but I still have some goals for this new year.
they are...
1 learn and practice patiance.
2 study the life of Jesus christ
3 get regular physical activity.
4 get out of my house/do lots of things with my kids. I have this tendancy to stay home for some reason and I think its because I get caught in this thinking that its so hard with two kids and just me, and also often there is no one to go with me for adult company, and for some reason I let those things stop me. I need to just buck up and to it. in reality if I time it right lily does better if we get out of the house and go some where.
I need to find and fit into my week some regular girl friend time. this one is hard because I have basicly given up or lost all of my girl friends that were not a relative. this is only partly my fault. some have families too and our scheduals just clashed, others just went away and I am not even sure why. this leads me to the next one....
5 make a few new close girl friends. or get back in touch with some old ones.
6 and this one is lofty....put a considerable effort into becoming a "do-er". someone who does it "NOW" not 15 minutes from now when it will end up not getting done. I want to always be doing something. weather its picking up my house while I talk on the phone, instead of just sitting, or folding laundry while i watch a show. I want to work on getting things done.
and that leads the the last one witch is work hard tobe a better home maker, or a maker of a better\cleaner home.
So this next year is going to be all about getting it done. I am going to DO stuff in 2009!

All I want for christmas is...

I have a whole list of things I could say I wanted, but nothing do i want more then a full nights rest, without a crying child waking me up or having to get up to go to the bathroom, or a nightmare that wakes me either. I want SLEEP! 9 uninterupted hours of it! Do you think santa could do that for me? Is that asking way too much? I know it is. I know this because that is what I have wanted for the past three years and it has not happend. But I really really really want it!

copy from mary,

but I love these things too!

Where is your phone? Cell is dead and house is silent.
Your hair color? blond, gold, red.
Your mother? working like crazy, she can get everything done!
Your father? Working too!
Your favorite thing? my new skinny, cute bum jeans.
Your dream last night? i know I had one, but can't remember it.
Your dream/goal? to become a person who gets it all done and makes up new exciting games for my kids all teh time.
Your hobby? um not sure. i don't really like anything enough to call it that. well maybe talking to my family.
Room you're in? dining room.
Your fear? lots of really messed up ones.
Where do you want to be in six years? a little older, a little wiser, a little larger family but done having babies, a little larger house.
Where were you last night? albertsons
One of your wish list items? tickets to bodyworlds.
What you're not? organised and ready for grocery shopping, cooking dinner tonight.
!The last thing you did? picked up my front room.
.Your TV? is off, thankfully.
Your pets? no thank you.
Your computer? is slow.
.Your mood? I want to be super productive, but its not happening.
Missing someone? family not here and my entire mission.
Your car? in the drive way about to take us to go get devin from work.
Something you're not wearing? shoes and socks yet.
Your summer? was spent at raging waters mostly. Good times!
Love someone? I love lots of someones. I think that is a gift I have of loving people. I love people.
Your favorite color? pink
When was the last time you laughed? this morning droping devin off.
Last time you cried? tuesday.