So how do I put this? oh how bout this, my baby is transverse (side to side) and WAY up high. in other words, not in the labor position and not in any hurry to change. she is getting big enough that the chance of her moving head down is unlikely. since I had a previouse c section they can't manipulate her from the out side because of the danger it poses to the incision. IF I were to have spontaneouse labor and she was transverse and way up high it would be dangerouse for her and me. If we wait and see if she turns, the longer we wait the bigger she gets and the less likely she is to turn. And given my history, I am not likely to have spontaneouse labor, especially if the baby is not putting pressure on the cervix or anything. Do you see the hidden message yet? If not let me spell it out....C-SECTION!
She will check next week to see if the baby has turned, If she has not then we have to schedual the surgery, and will probobly do it at 40 weeks, if she has not and I am dialating for some freakish reason then we need to schedual the surgery for 39 weeks to avoid spontaneous labor where she is still transverse. IF she has moved down and her head is down then we will continue to go ahead and see IF I can go into labor by my self. each appointment I feel more and more discuraged about that even happening.
I have been trying to tell myself that maybe its good that I have all c section births because maybe labor would be bad. notthat its good for anyone, but I mean maybe there would be irreversable consequences, to either me or the baby. So the c section is the safest route for us. I feel like I should be greatful that we have that procedure, for otherwise I may not be able to HAVE my babies. But I am not sure if that is just me trying to make myself feel better or if it is actually the case. I guess it does not matter witch one it is. Except that it kind of helps to change my attitude about the whole thing. well, actually right now I am still upset and frustrated and even a little angry. but once this passes I think that it will help me to feel better about it. Why do I fight it so bad? does it really matter weather you come into this world through the birth canal or a slit in your mothers stumach? And no one is giving out medals for either one. as Barbara pointed out. I do how ever feel a sence of failiar, like as if I trained and worked out and tryed to climb a mountain and then just befor reaching the last part befor the top, the very steepest part, I paid some extreem price and took the tram. then everyone is asking how the last part went and I feel like walking away with my head down because my pride is what I paid.
1 comment:
Tali, that last line is poetic. I guess it is through trials we wax poetic. One of the Sisters here had all four of her children C-section. She doesn't broadcast it--well, at my age we've kind of got beyond talking about how our labors went, but she doesn't walk around with head down either. The prize is the baby and fortunate for you and our family, we don't live in an era where transverse babies could mean dead babies and dead mommies. I've very grateful for that.
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