Words

please don't comment on this one. I just need to say it. ever have something so important to say and you just can't make the words come out? oh its torture. even if you don't say it, the thoughts are still in your head. but once you say something you can't un-say it and you can never truly know how it will be recieved or how it will effect you once you have said it. Words are so powerful!

pregnancy question...

So now I am 32 weeks! Yay! any way I have been feeling regular movement for a long time. My question is, I have never felt her move on the left side. Ever. With my other two girls they were ALL OVER the place. But this babies movement does not cross an invisible line. the line is where my bely button is. I don't ever even feel the large parts over there, like a back or anything. pushing on the left side with my hand I can't feel her from the out side either. but I can on the right side just by placing my hand there. and when she moves away from my hand she moves down, not to the left. Is there something blocking her? will her head be mishaped from being in one position for 9 months? also I worry that since she is on the right side all the time and since that is the side i sleep on most so my good ear is up and I can hear the girls, am I making it worse? When i do lay on my left side it feels like my belly is sagging but not quite resting on the bed. when i am on my right side it feels supported by the bed. Any who. I am going to ask my Dr on monday but, I was just wondering if anyone knew anything about that.

Things that take me back....

Fresh strawberries
Candle or karosene light
Reading my journal
My feet in a running stream
Picking wild flowers
Rubarb
Reading to my kids at bed time
The smell of damp soil

What things take you back to your childhood or any other time in your life?

spontaneous trip to St Gearge UT

I always forget that it posts them backwords. Dev and the girls on the rocks at Pioneer park.


Devin and Lily saw a Lizard, its in teh picture but you can;t see it cause it was so fast. he said it was 6-8 inches long! pretty cool.
Mikelle must have a fear of hights and things bogger then her because even on level ground she would cry " I am going to fall!" and made us carry her. or " The rocks are so very big and heavy!" she did not like it.
see how she is clutching my neck. poor baby, I sort of feel bad about forcing her to go, but not really. It was beautiful!
Lily LOVED it. this is actually our second visit to the rocks this trip. Only lily and I made it the forst time because mikelle was asleep in the car. in the above pic she is crying "I'm going to fall!" we are a good 50 feet from the edge, witch was only a step down.
Visit to the St George Temple. Holy Cow its bright. its practicly glowing. I could not look at it for more then a second. like looking right at the sun.

My fav of Lily.
Me and Lily
Devins fav of lily
Mikelle looking at the temple, contemplating the meaning of life.

kelle got stuck at the tup of the stairs. I don't know where this fear of heights has come from. and its new she was not like this befor.
I guess we have all forgotten the fun that is watching the water run out of your diaper when you get out of the pool. she would get in,then out, then bend over to watch, over and over and over. Helarious!

Lily strikes a pose!

and again
My fav or Kelle.
I love her legs. I just want to eat them. Thats chunk for my girls. I squeez then all the time.

befor we left Lily got into the band aids and used ALL of the pretty ones all up her leg. and on her face. she would not let me take them off so I left them on, most came off after playing int he pool two times and having two baths. and the ones that are left i don't have the heart to tear off if they did not come off after that. they are goona hurt!
me and my pretty Kelle. its so not fair that her hair does that pretty curly thing naturally.
and....ahhhhhh yeah. the tub! big enough for me to float in. a pregnant ladys dream come true!

well I had never been to St George. I know weird, but I have actually been to very few places in Utah. Pretty much if its outside of the salt Lake Valley, I have not been there. Devin took friday off of work. Friday morning when still in bed I had the idea to go to St George. so to make a long story short, we Cleaned the house, packed the car and went. But not till we called almost everyone we know trying to get them to go with us. and when everyone said no or did not answere we left.



Lily slept most of the way there and kelle played with her feet and read books. it was nice.

food

you know what my problem is? I just want to eat the food. having to cook it kinda takes all the goodness out of it. I even look for meal ideas on line, and then I want to eat the food. but I have to cook it first. So then it sucks. I dread making menus and a list every two weeks because of my hatred for having to cook the food and just wanting to eat it. well that mixed with the fact that i make menus and then when it comes down to it, it turns out I don't want any of the meal options I have in my house. or i use all the really good easy and fast ones in the first week and by the 2nd week I am dreading haveing to cook, and dreading having to eat something that i don't really want. If I had a personal chef, i would eat so healthy. I love healthy food. I just hate to cook it. so I guess what i am saying is I am lazy when it comes to food. yup! thats me. thats why i eat so much crap too. if I had a garden the size of my property (that someone else grew), thatI could go pick from when ever I wanted, that would be bliss. I know this because i had that as a kid and it was awesome! well I did have to work in the garden, but I did not have to parent two kids or anything else. I was spoiled. its true!

Ranting.

posting this because it bugged me and I don't want to argue with a perfect stranger.
about ear infections, I told someone about my experience with taking kelle to the chiropractors. this person had posted on facebook that their child was getting them. one of her other friends who I do not know actually said in response to my comment."Chiropractic only gets rid of the symptoms." not true, thats what tylenol does. and "there is something structurally wrong, and chiropractic manipulation will not change that." Also NOT true. this is my blog and I can say what i want. I don't want an argument. so if you disagree, I am just going to say you can keep your comments to yourself. but How do antibiotics or tubes fix the structure in your ear drum but chiropractic manipulation does not? that makes NO sence. popping the ear with chiropractic manipulation, creates space in the inner ear so it can drain itself, and clean out what ever may be in there.
having said that. I really don't care if you chose to get tubes for your kid. great! do what ever you feel is best for your child. I just like to let people know there are other options out there. I guess I am in a defensive mood.

my quirks

Sometimes I don't want to communicate. sometimes, i just want to be left alone because I want to be. Sometimes I withdraw and pull back. sometimes I only want to talk to or see pepole on my terms. And some times I am so tired of being needed i shirk all responsibility and be selfish. and oh wow, I just realized something from that last sentance, as I was typing it. too personal to share. but weird how that happend.